


The Way I See It

by giles_forever8495



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-06 01:15:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11025522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giles_forever8495/pseuds/giles_forever8495
Summary: In this AU Red is still the ‘Concierge of Crime' and his history with Lizzie is still foggy at best. Liz, however, is not in the FBI. She is a simple coffee barista at Red's favorite coffee shop in Bethesda, Maryland. In her spare time, she makes pet accessories, which she sells on Etsy for some extra cash.WARNING: THIS STORY INVOLVES THE DEPICTION A SERIOUS SEXUAL ASSAULT. IF DEPICTIONS OF SUCH AN EVENT UPSET YOU, PLEASE BE ADVISED.





	1. The Man in the Fedora

Monday mornings suck was the first thought that Liz had as she wakes to the sound of her alarm. As soon as she hits the first snooze, Hudson jumps onto the bed and begins to bark.

 

"Go away…" she mumbles to the shaggy-haired pup scratching at her blankets. "Fine. You want to go for a walk?" At her words the dog jumped excitedly from the bed and scurried to the front door barking for her to hurry. Liz laughed at him, as she got ready. He always had so much energy. When she finally had on a decent enough outfit, she hooked the leash onto his homemade collar and led him out the door.

 

Twice around the block and one stop in the park was enough for Hudson as he finally began leading Liz back to their apartment. He was smart for a dog that she hardly trained. He knew simple commands like sit, lie down, and wait. But he still peed in the house on occasion and left surprises for her by the door if she was gone for too long. He was manipulative that way, and she loved him with all that she had. With Sam gone, Hudson was her only family. Just a girl and her dog.

 

For the most part, she liked it that way. She enjoyed being alone, but there were always times that she found herself craving the simplest friendly conversation over a glass of wine and a decent meal. Of course, she wasn't much of a cook, but they could always eat out. ‘They,' as if she had someone particular in mind. The only person who she had been interested in in the past two years was Tom. But Tom was her boss and she never saw the appeal of dating someone you work with. Besides, he was always too sketchy and he gave her the creeps. Before she moved to Bethesda, she was engaged to Nick. She would have married him too, except that she never really loved him, and that just didn't seem fair. So she started over in a new city.

 

Now she works at the Bean Tree Café, a family owned version of Starbucks. Just a small town coffee shop with free wifi and too many hipsters. It was a fifteen-minute walk from her apartment, which was good because she currently couldn't afford a car. Her dad left her some money when he passed, but she'd be lying if she said she never struggled.

 

On her way out the door, she patted Hudson on the head and said, "Okay dude, I'm working all day today, so no peeing. Ellie will be by later to let you out." Ellie was her neighbor and probably her only friend.

 

By 9:30 Liz found herself behind the register of the Bean Tree Café taking another order for a triple espresso Americano. She always laughed to herself at the number of twenty-somethings that all ordered the same drink. For people who define themselves by a particular uniqueness, they're all exactly alike. Every day was the same; she had regulars like the triple espresso Americanos and the medium black coffees. She expected nothing else for such an average day.

 

And then something new happened. A man walked in wearing a three-piece suit and a fedora. He stood out amongst the hipster and casual business patrons. And when he stepped up to the counter, he ordered something new.

 

"Hi," Liz said in her cheery work voice. "Welcome to Bean Tree, what can I get for you?"

 

The man paused for a moment. His head tilted slightly to the side and his eyes focused on the menu boards above her. His mouth was crooked like he was excited about what he was going to say. And when he finally spoke it was with a deep sandpaper voice that sent chills down Liz's spine. "Good morning!" He exclaimed cheerfully. "I'd like to try the hazelnut macchiato."

 

"Sure. What size would you like?"

 

"Regular, please."

 

"Can I have a name for your order?"

 

"Kenneth," he stated with a smile. As Liz wrote down his name, the man continued, "I walk by here all the time and decided today that I would come in and try something."

 

"Well," Liz said with a smile, "you definitely picked one of my favorites."

 

"Ah! How wonderful! Maybe you can help me pick a new drink to try every day," Kenneth said with a bit of joy.

 

"Every day a new drink? I think you might make my days here far more interesting," Liz laughed.

 

Kenneth smiled at her and made her completely forget where she was. She forced herself to look away and tapped a few buttons on the register. "Your total is $3.60."

 

He pulled out his wallet and handed her a crisp ten-dollar bill. When she returned his change, he dumped it in the tip jar. Liz followed him with her eyes as he picked a table. This new man intrigued her. He sat at a table in the far corner of the café where he had a perfect view of both exits and the entire store. He pulled out a local newspaper, crossed his legs beside the table, and began reading.

 

The man stayed there for some time, reading his newspaper and drinking his coffee. Occasionally, when she looked over at him, she would meet his eyes. He would give her a small smile that made her cheeks burn red and she would force herself to look away.

 

Finally, it was time for her break. Liz took her favorite Jane Austen book and a bottle of water and made her way to the back of the café. Kenneth was sitting at her usual table, the one with the perfect view. She was surprised to find that he was still here. He had to have finished the newspaper by now. She found a table two seats away from him and sat down. She noticed he had added some paperwork to his table.

 

Liz opened her book and began reading. However, she wasn’t really paying attention because every few lines she would look up to see Kenneth. He still sat with his legs crossed, his foot slightly bouncing in the air. His hat was placed on the table behind his now empty coffee cup and he was reading something, from a tablet maybe. He was certainly the most intriguing businessman to ever come into this hole-in-the-wall café. She realized all too late that she had been staring, and now his eyes met hers again. Here comes the blush, she thought to herself as she tried to smile casually and look away. He was too clever for that move though.

 

“Something on your mind?” He asked congenially.

 

Liz’s jaw dropped. Everything in her mind disappeared without a trace. She needed to say something. “Uh…no. Sorry,” she said with an embarrassed laugh. “You just seem so different.”

 

“Different?” He inquired with his head cocked to the side and a smile playing across his face.

 

“Yeah…” She shifted in her seat and fiddled with her water bottle. “Everyone who comes in here, they’re all pretty much the same - avid coffee drinkers who need the caffeine for work or crave it because of some social trend.” Liz took a steadying breath and looked at Kenneth. He was so calm and sophisticated, so different from everyone else. “You…well you’re not here for the caffeine fix. You seem to enjoy it. Every sip that you take is strategic in the sense that you want to be able to taste every flavor, every bean, and every bit of cream. The drink for you is an experience. I assume that’s why you want to try every one. So you can find the best experience.”

 

He smiled at her with that same fascinating smile and head tilt. He seemed to study her before he spoke. “Hmm…you got all that from just looking at me?”

 

“I’m just good at reading people I guess. Unless…am I wrong?”

 

Kenneth laughed a deep chuckle. He uncrossed his legs and leaned towards Liz, “Not at all. Tell me…” he searched for her name tag. “Liz, how did you acquire such a skill?”

 

“My dad, mostly. He taught me just about everything I know. I liked learning from him about how the mind works, so I went into Psychology in college.”

 

Kenneth grew more serious as thoughts seemed to roll through his mind. “What happened?”

 

Her face scrunched up and she felt as though she had missed part of the conversation. “Huh?”

 

He gestured around the café pointing out the obvious without having to embarrass her by saying it. Why she now works in a small coffee shop.

 

“Oh…” she leaned her back against the wall and took a deep breath. Liz took a moment to think through her memories before she began. “I had planned actually to get my master’s degree in behavioral science. I wanted to do something adventurous – join the FBI, fight crime.” She let out a solemn laugh in a huff of air. She looked up to see his wondering eyes, so kind and curious. “I was engaged…to a nice man. A doctor. We met in school, but he hated the idea of me joining the FBI. He didn’t think it was ‘proper’ or something. I don’t know. I typically don’t let other people’s opinions affect my decisions, but he was my fiancé. He was supposed to be supportive. I realized after an argument we had, I didn’t love him anymore. I wasn’t even sure if I ever loved him. I didn’t think that was fair, plus I was angry. So I left. I needed to do some soul searching, so I moved here. I got a dog, an apartment that I can barely afford, and I got this job.”

 

She wondered why she was telling him all this. A stranger. Maybe that was the comfort? The fact that he was a stranger and couldn’t really judge her. She didn’t know. She didn’t care all that much either. This man captivated her and he seemed to be captivated by her. She realized how comfortable she felt with him. How strange that feeling was to her.

 

Liz checked her phone for the time and realized that she needed to get back to work. She gave him a smile and packed up her things. “I’m sorry. I need to…” she pointed towards the counter.

 

“I understand,” Kenneth smiled sympathetically. “I should probably get going as well. But,” he said with more pep. “I hope to see you tomorrow.”

 

“Yes!” She smiled. “I think I know of a drink you’ll enjoy.”

 

“Wonderful!” He beamed. He watched her walk through a door marked ‘Employees Only,’ and when he was satisfied with the time spent with her, he headed for the exit.

 

“Raymond,” Dembe said as the man exited the café. “A call for you.” He handed the man a phone as he ushered him into the black Mercedes.

 

Liz watched through the window as this new man was driven away. She wondered what further conversations with him would be like.

 

“Who’s the old guy?”

 

Liz was interrupted from her wondering when Tom came up beside her. “What?”

 

“The old guy you were talking to,” Tom nodded in the direction of the tables they had just vacated.

 

“Oh…I don’t know. Just met him. He’s not that old though…is he?” The image of Kenneth flashed in her mind. He was definitely older, but Liz couldn’t think of one aspect of the man that made him seem ‘old.’ Even his buzzed hair didn’t strike her as characteristically old. He was more refined, sophisticated than old.

 

“Whatever,” Tom said dismissing the man completely with a wave of his hand. “So what are you doing tonight?” He smiled coyly at her and inched closer to her as he leaned against the counter.

 

She didn’t even look up at him. Liz was still focused on recent memories of Kenneth. She didn’t realize how close Tom had gotten until his hand brushed against her forearm and he leaned in peeking down her shirt. When she could smell his suffocating cologne, she straightened her back and eased away from him, cleaning the counter as an excuse.

 

“Are you gonna answer my question?” He asked with a huff of laughter.

 

Liz looked up from wiping the counter clean. She really didn’t want to answer his question because her answer was nothing. She had no plans for the night, which meant that Tom had the perfect opportunity to ask her out…again. She looked up at the ceiling and chewed on her bottom lip trying to think of anything to say other than the truth. Finally, a thought popped into her mind, “Actually, I have plans with my neighbor, Ellie. She’s coming over to tell me about the date she had last night.” That was a lie, obviously. She just hoped Tom wouldn’t catch on.

 

“That’s too bad,” he challenged with his jaw clenched. He knew she was lying. He changed his approach, “I was gonna try to see a movie tonight, get some Chinese food, have a glass of wine.” He was baiting her with things she enjoyed. What he still didn’t realize is that just being around him makes her uncomfortable. Normal people can pick up on social cues like general avoidance, excuses, literal physical distance like how she always backs away from him when he gets too close. But Tom is not a normal person. He’s creepy and probably more than a bit obsessive. She doesn’t like him one bit.

 

“You can still do all those things,” Liz stated with a bland smile. She was still attempting to keep her distance from him. “But I can’t, not with you. Not tonight.”

 

He smiled and his eyes widened and suddenly she realized that she had said exactly the wrong thing. ‘Not tonight.’ Implying that maybe he has a chance if he asked another night. He took his piece of string and ran with it. For him, there was hope. And she had inadvertently given it to him.

 

The rest of her shift continued on rather slowly with a minimal rush around 4 pm. She often found that Tom was looking at her or making up more excuses to talk to her. She was kicking herself mentally for making such a huge mistake.

 

As Liz gathered her things to leave for the night, Tom called to her on her way out, “See you tomorrow, Liz!” He beamed with a broad smile and a wave.

 

She gave him a tight smile and nodded as she headed down the street toward her home.

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Every day after that, Liz found herself looking forward to her shift even if it meant having to see Tom. Because every day at about the same time, Kenneth would come and order a new drink, and on her break, they would talk the whole time. Some days he would even stay longer and when there weren’t many or any, customers they would talk while she worked.

 

Liz found the man so easy to talk to and so easy to trust. He was kind and he actually listened to her when she told her boring stories from college and growing up with Sam. One day she even opened up to him about the fire from her childhood. She showed him her scar and he seemed so pained to see that she had such a wound. It was almost as if the looks he had given her were that of an apology. It touched her deeply.

 

Over just a short two weeks Liz had grown very close to Kenneth. She often found herself longing for a conversation with him when she was home alone or trying to avoid Tom. Tom had become more and more of a nuisance. He could see that she was getting closer to Kenneth. Often he even listened in on their conversations. He felt it was a way to get to know Liz. She had shared so much with Kenneth, and inadvertently also shared with Tom. He was beginning to fall in love with her. And he just had to tell her before anything could happen between her and Kenneth.

 

The last time Kenneth had come into the store was Tuesday. He had ordered a latte, Liz’s favorite, and it was also the first drink he had ordered twice. Settling on the fact that he had found his new drink, Kenneth promised Liz to still make his daily visits – a fact that thrilled her. She was a bit nervous when he had finished everything on the menu. Even if he did find a new drink, she assumed that it would mean the end of every day conversations. But something was wrong now. Kenneth had made a promise to her, and even though she didn’t know him that well, he didn’t seem like the kind of man to break his promises. It had been three days since he sat and talked with her over a cup of coffee. Something had to be wrong.

 

Once again it was the end of a shift without Kenneth. It also happened to be a Friday night, which meant Tom’s ritual offer of a date. Liz had just finished cleaning up and was about to walk towards the door when she heard his voice.

 

Tom had been getting better at being kind to her over the last week or so. He seemed to be picking up on the fact that she was upset about Kenneth not being there. She had no idea how, but he seemed to understand her better than she initially realized. And tonight she was feeling very down. He came up behind her, just saying her name, and offering to talk if she wanted.

 

“Liz,” he said in his softer, quieter voice. “Are you okay? We can talk if you want…”

 

He left it open, waiting for her response. She needed someone to talk to. Ellie was at her parents for the weekend and her usual conversation partner…well, she had no idea where he was.

 

“I know you’re upset,” he tried again. “I just want to help you feel better.”

 

“Thanks,” she said with a quiet voice, and a sad smile. Tom led her to a table and pulled out her chair for her. She sat quietly, gently rubbing the scar on her wrist. She wasn’t sure that she really wanted to talk, but being with someone was okay – even if that someone was Tom.

 

Tom sat in the chair opposite her. He folded his hands on the table and leaned in on his elbows. “Liz,” he said as he bent his head to reach her eyes. “You okay?”

 

“Yeah…” she spoke quietly. They both knew the truth, but Tom had learned not to press too hard if she didn’t want to talk about it. He simply stayed quiet, giving her the time she needed.

 

“I know it sounds dumb,” she started, “but I was getting used to seeing him every day, you know?” Liz finally looked up to meet Tom’s eyes. They were kind and understanding – not at all what she was expecting. He just sat there listening, so she went on. “I thought…I don’t what I thought. I guess I was just hoping that he’d show up.”

 

“You really like him?” Tom asked, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest.

 

“Yeah, I do…” Liz mumbled, mostly admitting it to herself for the first time. “I know the age difference is a little weird, but when I’m with him, it doesn’t even matter. He’s so gentle and kind, and he really is young at heart…that sounds so clichéd!” She laughed.

 

Tom laughed with her. He really didn’t like Kenneth, nor did he like that Liz liked him, but he loved the sound of her laugh. “You know,” he slowly started, leaning forward again in his chair. “I don’t want to tell you who to date or anything, but I personally think you could do better than him.”

 

“Oh really?” She laughed again. “Are you talking about yourself?”

 

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.” He smiled broadly at her. Then after a moment passed, he got more serious and focused on his hands on the table. “I would never break a promise to you, Liz. I care about you too much to ever hurt you.” He looked directly into her eyes for his last statement.

 

Her smile faded as she saw the depth of feeling within his eyes. Maybe Tom wasn’t as bad as she thought. Maybe he would be better for her. She looked down at his hands, which were now much closer to hers on the table. She could feel a blush rising in her cheeks. Maybe she should give him a chance…

 

Tom reached the rest of the way across the table and held her hands in his. He smiled at her when she didn’t pull away. “Let me walk you home.”

 

“Okay,” She whispered.

 

Tom helped her from the chair and led her out the door. They walked hand-in-hand down the sidewalk for the entire fifteen minutes that it took to walk to Liz’s house. He talked to her about everything and nothing. He was sweet and made her laugh. He walked her up the stairs and to the door. She paused for a moment looking at him, not really sure what to say.

 

She was about to say thank you when Tom leaned in and kissed her lips. She did nothing at first, mostly just in shock, but then she realized that she didn’t want to be kissing him at all. She wanted to be kissing Kenneth. She pulled away from him and looked down at her feet, “Tom…” she said quietly. “I’m sorry…”

 

“No, don’t be sorry!” He said quickly, trying to fix the situation. “It’s okay, really. I should have waited.”

 

She took a deep breath. She really thought that she could have given him a chance, but she just wasn’t ready to date anyone – not while she still felt something for Kenneth. Because Kenneth could still show up with an excuse as to why he wasn’t able to be there, and if Liz were honest with herself, then she would believe him. She wanted a chance with him. And that wasn’t fair to Tom.

 

“I don’t think it would have mattered,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, Tom. I’m not sure what I’m feeling exactly, but I know that I am still hoping for a chance with him. You’re a really nice guy, b-”

 

“Don’t,” he snapped, cutting her off before she could deny him once again. His jaw was clenched, his face red, and the vein in his neck was pulsing visibly. He started down the first step and then turned around abruptly. “I don’t get it, Liz. What do you see in him? He’s an old man, for God’s sake! You can’t honestly believe you have a chance with him. Especially when he breaks the only promise he’s ever made to you.” His voice was tight, and with every word, he began getting louder and louder. “What are you gonna do? Sit around waiting for him to come back and sweep you off your feet? Don’t be so naïve! You could be happy with me,” he started to step into her space again. “I could show you things that that old man can’t ever do. I could give you everything you’ve ever wanted!” He spat.

 

She stayed silent. Her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking. She leaned away from him putting her back against the door. He was furious. Tom took a few deep breaths, staring at her before he finally marched away in the opposite direction.

 

When he was finally out of sight, Liz collapsed into the door and fought to control her breathing. Tears burned her eyes and she wasn’t able to stop them from pouring down her cheeks. The only person in the world she wanted to see right now was Kenneth, and she didn’t even have a way to reach him.

 

Finally, Liz was able to regain a bit of control. She stood on shaky legs and fumbled with her keys until she was able to unlock the door and head inside. She tossed her keys on the table and dropped her bag on the floor. Slowly, she shuffled across the room and collapsed into the couch. Another bout of tears threatened to escape her eyes when she heard the telltale scurrying of paws on the hardwood floor. Thirty seconds later Hudson leaped onto the couch and into her lap, excitedly barking and licking her face. A giggle escaped her lips, “Alright! Alright!” She laughed. “I’m sorry. I know I was gone longer than usual,” she hugged the pup close and he rested his head under her chin effectively snuggling in closer.

 

After a minute or so, Hudson squirmed away from her arms and ran to scratch at the door. When she didn’t follow, he ran back to her barking obnoxiously. “What?” She said knowingly at the dog. “Do you need to pee?” He just looked at her expectantly. “Would you like me to let you outside?” He jumped at her words, barking and heading for the door. “Okay,” she mumbled with a smile.

 

Liz spent the rest of the weekend home. She didn’t want to leave and accidentally run into Tom. As every hour passed, she dreaded having to work Monday morning. She even thought of calling in sick. But she knew she couldn’t do that. She needed to work, but more importantly, she needed to not look weak. Sam had taught her to always stand up for herself. She wasn’t happy with her passive performance Friday night, but she had also never been so frightened.

 

When Monday morning finally rolled around, Liz decided to go to work, if not to avoid Tom, then to potentially see Kenneth. But another day went by, and Kenneth never showed. She spent the day making Americanos and serving black coffee. Tom was cold and careless, giving her the dirty jobs to do like cleaning the bathrooms and wiping the tables. He was cruel in how he spoke to her, calling her names and making fun of her feelings for Kenneth, the absent “daddy” in her life. An entire week went by, and still, no Kenneth. Just Tom. Tom and his cruelty. He had even begun following her around, tormenting her with his presence.

 

She ran into him one Saturday at the grocery store. Although, she had the impression that their meeting was no accident. She was standing in front of the fresh produce deciding on what type of lettuce to buy when he approached her.

 

“Liz?” He asked, acting surprised to see her. “How are you?”

 

She found herself smiling simply because…well, he was smiling. He was acting as if they were old friends that hadn’t seen each other since high school. “Hi, Tom,” she said hesitantly, with her head tilted, eyebrows scrunched together, and an incredulous smile on her face. “I’m alright.”

 

“It’s so good to see you here,” he marveled. “I’ve wanted to talk to you, actually. I wanted to apologize for my behavior recently,” he seemed sincere, but something was obviously off about him.

 

“Oh,” she stammered. She tucked an absent strand of hair behind her ear and looked down.

 

“I guess I just overreacted, you know? I was jealous,” he laughed.

 

“Yeah,” she acknowledged. She was keeping her distance again, for obvious reasons. But she was ready to stand up for herself if need be. Mostly, she wanted the conversation to end.

 

“I know it’s been a few weeks since then, so I was hoping maybe you’d like to get dinner? Let me make it up to you?” He was full of hope. Surely she would allow him to apologize properly.

 

She was screaming inside. Are you kidding me, she thought? How could you ask me to dinner after three weeks of you stalking and harassing me? She wanted to slap him across the face. Instead she took a deep, calming breath and said, “Tom, after everything that’s happened, I really don’t think that would be best. Any chance that we may have had, it’s over now. I’m not sure a relationship could recover from that. It definitely can’t be built off of it.” She was trying to be as diplomatic as possible, but honestly, anything could happen with Tom.

 

“Fine,” he hissed through a clenched jaw. “Have it your way. I was just trying to apologize, but if you wanna be a bitch about it, then far be it from me to stop you.” And with that, he stormed away.

 

Liz took a moment to relax, feel somewhat safe again, and regain her composure. She looked back at the produce and completely forgot why she was there in the first place so she took what she had to the register, paid and went home.

 

Feeling drained from another emotional experience with Tom, she left the groceries in their bags by the door and climbed the stairs to her bed before collapsing into the blankets and drifting off to sleep. Her sleep was restless. She tossed and turned dreaming of pain and fire and Tom yelling at her. Neither event related, other than that she felt the same emotions with each scenario. Finally, she woke to a sweat-drenched pillow and blinking clock that read 11:06 pm. Hudson had climbed up next to her to comfort her while she slept.

 

“Hey, dude,” she said sleepily. “I’m sorry I didn’t feed you,” she scratched the dog’s head and he licked her hand in return. As she rolled out of bed she said to the pup, “I’m gonna take a quick shower, but as soon as I get out, I’ll give you something to eat. Okay?” He responded by nudging her hand and rolling onto his back. She smiled down at him, gave him a quick belly rub, and headed for the bathroom.

 

In the bathroom, Liz turned the water on almost as hot as it could go. She removed her sweaty clothes and climbed in when the room effectively steamed up. Under the hot water, she took deep breaths, calming her nerves and relaxing after her sleep. After a few moments, she began washing her hair. She thought for a moment, with her eyes closed and shampoo running down her hair, about that feeling you get when you’re in this moment like a killer is standing right out-

 

“AAAHHHHHHH!!!” She screamed at the top of her lungs. She felt arms close around her and rip her out of the shower. She tried desperately to fight and hit the body that trapped her on the ground, but the soap was getting in her eyes and her hands were too slippery to hold onto anything. She heard him breathing, struggling to hold her down as she fought him. She couldn’t see anything, her eyes were burning, but she took quick breaths struggling to fight this man on top of her and she smelled something so familiar. A smell so suffocating…Tom. His cologne. She screamed again, pleading for him to get off. He hit her across the face. She hit him in the back with her knees, but his weight was too heavy and she didn’t have enough leverage with the water and soap. He hit her again and this time she could almost feel the blood trickling down her eye. Or maybe it was tears. At this point, she wasn’t quite sure. He kept hitting her, trying to get her to stop moving.

 

He leaned down to her ear and whispered to her, “Stop fighting me, Liz. I’ve wanted this for too long, and dammit, I’m going to get it.” He hit her again and she stopped fighting. For a moment, she blacked out. All she could hear was a ringing noise. And then she felt his hands on her. Touching her. And she felt him press himself into her. She couldn’t fight anymore. She wanted to, desperately, but her head was throbbing and her arms were too heavy. She knew she was crying. She tasted blood and soap in her mouth and the tears only made the stinging worse. She felt him move above her. She heard the unzipping of his pants and started crying harder. She pleaded with him quietly, not really sure if she was speaking out loud or just in her head, but she pleaded with him nonetheless. She shook her head no as vehemently as she could without making herself vomit. But he didn’t care for what she had to say about the matter. She let out a soft and hopeless cry as she felt him force his way into her. Her body went numb and she kept her eyes closed. The only sounds in the room were the water running and his grunts as he worked himself into an orgasm.

 

When he finally finished, he cleaned himself up, thanked her and left. She cried again. Her body shook as sobs escaped her throat. She stayed curled up on the floor until the shower ran cold and the steam went with it. She pulled a towel over her body and fell asleep with tears on her face.


	2. Healing and Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter involves a scene from ep. 3.12, when Red has a ‘conversation’ with the guy that beat up Liz in the grocery-store parking lot. This dialogue does not belong to me, but is borrowed from the brilliant writers of TBL.

When Liz woke, her body ached. Sleeping curled up on the bathroom floor didn’t help her already battered body. The water was still running in the shower, but at this point, it was too cold to try and climb back in. She struggled slowly to her feet, reached the knob, and shut the water off. She tried to pull the towel tighter around her body, but when she turned and looked into the mirror, the towel dropped to the floor. 

 

There she stood, naked and alone. Her body was more purple than it was the fair tan she was used to. One of her eyes was swollen shut with a gash at the edge of her eyebrow. A dried trail of blood ran down her jaw. Another purple, swollen bruise on the side of her jaw, the one that was probably causing the most pain. She tried to open her mouth, but couldn’t get much further than parting her teeth enough to hiss in pain. On the other side of her face, she had a split lip and more dried blood. On her shoulders and wrists were purple and blue handprints. On her left side, just under her arm, she had a bruise that mimicked a clenched fist. At least one broken rib, she thought. Her hips had matching bruises from where his knees had held her down. She turned around and looked at her reflection over her shoulder. More dried blood ran from her hairline to the middle of her back, probably from hitting her head on the floor. Her shoulder blade was bruised, and, although there was no mark on her tailbone, it ached just as much. 

 

She could’ve been the poster woman for domestic violence. For whatever reason, she decided to forgo calling the police. She knew it was the right thing to do, but she didn’t need any immediate medical attention and she was too exhausted to relive every detail. Mostly, she thought, she was just too embarrassed to admit that it had actually happened. 

 

She got herself cleaned up, as best she could without getting back into the shower, wrapped herself in her most comfortable robe and curled up on the couch with Hudson. She had found him kicked into her closet. She struggled with the mound of emotions within her. She was suffering in pain, mentally and physically, she was angry, embarrassed, pissed off, and more tired than she could ever remember being. 

 

Liz spent the next few days recuperating with Hudson, even opting to shut Ellie out. She was careful to take minimal painkillers, as they are also blood thinners, and with the amount of bruising she had it would be best for her to steer clear. She also made sure to ice her injuries and keep her battered ribs as still as possible. 

 

By day three, she had gotten so stir crazy she decided to take Hudson for a walk in the fresh air. She was rounding a corner near Hudson’s favorite park when she spotted a familiar figure sitting on one of the benches. The Fedora and newspaper were a dead giveaway. Her face was still visibly abused and she couldn’t hide the pain she felt with every step, so as much as she wanted to see him, she tried walking in the other direction. Hudson, however, had different plans. He pulled his leash in the opposite direction and the cord slipped from her grasp. The dog ran free towards the grassy area and what Liz could only guess to be a squirrel climbing up a tree. His commotion had drawn the attention of many passersby, including one man sitting quietly on a park bench. 

 

She stole a glance in his direction and found that he had placed the newspaper down and was watching her. They weren’t too far away from each other now, with Hudson still running around that damn tree. She could see the look on his face when he noticed the bruises and the way she stood so uncomfortably. She silently cursed the dog for having the need to chase small animals. 

 

Kenneth made his way, rather quickly, toward Liz. His movements, however urgent, were also calm and controlled. He came close to her, smiling at her eyes, before he said, “Hello, Lizzie.”

 

She returned his smile and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Then she pulled it back over her face doing her best to hide the bruises. She kept her head ducked down, focusing on the dog a few feet away. 

 

Her behavior did not go unnoticed by him. He took another step closer to her, slowly so as not to scare her away, and he allowed himself a moment to look at what had become of her in his absence. He felt his blood boiling to the surface and his heart shattered at the pain he saw. “Are you alright?” He asked in his low, sandpaper voice overflowing with concern.

 

She kept her eyes focused on the dog, but nodded her head slowly. 

 

“Lizzie,” he pleaded quietly with her. “Look at me,” he waited quietly for her to meet his eyes. She was hiding tears and pain and fear, and he couldn’t be more angry at whatever animal could do this to her. 

 

She saw his eyes, his emerald green eyes that comforted her so easily, and here they were again, doing the same thing. But she couldn’t help but feel a bit angry that he wasn’t around. She was, by no means, blaming him for what had happened, but she had to wonder if things would have been different if Kenneth had kept his promise. 

 

“Where were you?” She whispered in a shaky voice. “I waited…everyday. You said you’d be there, but you weren’t. And then…” she accidentally let out a soft sob and it took every ounce of control on his part to not wrap her in his arms.

 

“I’m so sorry,” he began. What excuse could he give her? He had business to attend to, an emergency came up. He truly had planned to be there every day. After their first meeting, he knew he was falling for her. He hated having to be away from her for so long, and if he could have come back any sooner he would have. Especially if it meant that he could’ve stopped this, whatever it was. “I have no valid excuse,” his words were slow, calculated. “I had an emergency in my business. I had no intentions of breaking my promise to you.”

 

Hudson came running back interrupting their conversation. He was tangled in his leash and Liz was looking for an excuse to leave, even if she did want to hear what he had to say. She reached down to pick up the leash wrapped around the dog’s midsection, but the movement caused her to wince and grab her side. The pain was so great that her legs gave way beneath her, and, before she knew what happened, there she was, in his arms. She gasped for her breath and finding none she began to panic. Hudson sat at her feet, trying to be a comforting presence. Kenneth, the dog following behind, helped her to the closest bench. 

 

“Breathe, Lizzie,” he instructed slowly. “Like me,” he breathed in deeply through his nose and exhaled slowly through his mouth. He kept teaching her calmly until she was able to follow his instructions. “That’s it,” he encouraged her, rubbing soothing circles on her back with the palm of his hand. When she finally settled down, she relaxed into the bench, keeping her eyes raised towards the sky. His presence next to her was comforting. So was his voice.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said again, not taking his eyes from her face. His arm was on the back of the bench and he sat closer to the edge with his shoulders facing her. “I wanted to let you know in person that I would have to leave. I went to find you at the café…I believe that I just missed the end of your shift. I did leave a message for you…”

 

“What?” She asked in shock. She would have remembered a message. 

 

“I thought, perhaps, since you didn’t call that I had misinterpreted our…friendship, and you simply didn’t want to speak with me any longer.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” She had a deep suspicion growing within her. She sat forward on the bench, now oblivious to the pain in her body. Anger coursed through her veins.

 

“You weren’t there when I went to find you. I left a message for you, with a phone number at which to reach me,” he explained slowly. He didn’t like it when people got involved in his business, personal or otherwise. He certainly didn’t appreciate that his lapse in judgment may have caused Liz an extraordinary amount of pain. 

 

“Who did you leave it with?” She asked urgently. 

 

He thought through that day. He really should have been more careful. He wasn’t the kind of person to make such a simple mistake, he was too careful. But that damned phone call. He had been so rushed, so focused on everything else. He gave his message to the only person who was there to take it because it was the only choice he had.

 

“Kenneth,” she said, pulling him from his thoughts. “Who did you give the message to?”

 

“Tom…” he admitted quietly. “I’m so sorry, Elizabeth. I was in such a rush -”

 

Liz immediately stood up and began walking quickly towards her house, Hudson trotting behind her. It all started making sense now. Tom knew. That bastard knew what she was going through and he played her. He kept Kenneth’s message a secret. She wanted to kill.

 

“Liz,” Kenneth said coming up behind her. She didn’t stop. She kept marching on and if she didn’t slow down she was going to hurt herself more. “Elizabeth,” he said again, gently pulling her elbow.

 

She turned around with tears dripping down her cheeks. Her face was red, jaw tight, and every muscle in her body was tense. Her eyes pleaded with him to stop, to leave her, but he couldn’t. Not again. He opened his mouth to speak again, but she cut him off. “It was him,” she whispered, her voice broken. It took him a moment to understand. She watched as his face changed from confusion to anger and then deeper into hatred.

 

He was speechless. Apologies were no longer enough. He had caused this to happen. He stopped for a moment and pulled out his phone. Liz watched him with a perplexed curiosity. 

 

“Dembe,” he spoke with a low voice into the phone. “Get Baz…Yes, I need him to find someone for me…Tom Keen.” He closed the phone with a bit of anger. “It’s alright, Lizzie. I’ll fix this.”

 

“I don’t want the police involved. Please. It’s embarrassing enough.”

 

“I have no intention of calling the police, Elizabeth.” He placed his hand on her lower back and began walking with her again.

 

She let him stay with her until she got to her house, not quite ready to leave his presence. She walked up to the door and let Hudson inside. “What are you going to do?” She asked, turning back towards the man.

 

He looked up at her and smiled, “Will you be alright? I have some…business that I would like to take care of as soon as possible.”

 

She nodded her response and paused before going inside. “You’ll be back this time, right?”

 

He walked up the first few steps and stood in front of her. He reached out and gently took her hand, “Dinner tonight.” She smiled broadly at him and turned to head inside. 

 

A few moments later, a black Mercedes pulled up and he got into the back seat. “Raymond,” Dembe called from the driver’s seat. He handed the man a burner phone over his shoulder, “Baz has confirmed pick-up and transport. He is waiting on your instructions.”

 

“Thank you, Dembe,” Red nodded to his friend. He put the phone to his ear, “Where is he?…Good. Make sure he stays there. Dembe and I will be there shortly.” He hung up the phone and handed it back to his friend. For the rest of the drive, he found himself reliving every moment with her, every touch, and every smile. How could anyone do that kind of damage to her? His rage built as the drive went on until finally, Dembe pulled up to a shipyard.

 

They made their way onto the ship and found the room surrounded by his men. Inside there was a man sitting in a chair, shoulders slumped and chin resting on his chest. Red moved around him and sat in the chair across the room. He leaned back and crossed his legs, pulling his gun from his holster and resting it on his knee. Baz came through the door and ripped the black cotton bag off the man’s head. 

 

_He sat in his chair, staring at the man in front of him until he was finally able to speak. “I am a violent man,” he spoke quietly. “I’ve taken on a life that requires it. I hurt people. I kill people. And each time I do…in that moment…another part of me dies along with them. When I was younger, I romanticized the life of an outlaw. Bad guys,” he smiled sadly, looking away from the man and thinking for a moment about his past. “That was a long time ago._

 

“I find now…this life I have chosen…it is far from the romantic view I had as a boy. I often find myself…longing for some semblance of normalcy. You almost took that from me.”

 

“She was good, you know,” Tom mocked. “Did she tell you how it happened? Does she know you’re here right now?” He was laughing. Red picked up the gun in his hand and pulled the trigger once, hitting Tom directly above the knee. He let out a pained scream that turned into bitter laughter. 

 

“You’ll go through every detail, and when you’re done, I am going to put a bullet in your head.”

 

“Why the fuck would I tell you anything, if you’re just going to kill me anyway,” Tom spat, his body still shaking from the pain in his leg.

 

Red smiled a bitter smile at him. “I don’t enjoy torture. It takes too long and it is quite messy. But you will either die quickly or, I can assure you, extremely slowly. So,” he said a bit more jovially, “Which will it be?”

 

Tom’s smile faded from his lips. He took a few gulps of air before relaying every detail of the night he attacked Liz. He finished with fear in his eyes. Red stared with his jaw clenched and eyebrows pulled together. He took one breath and fired the gun at Tom’s chest until the slide pulled back empty. A moment later, Dembe came into the room.

 

“Call Mr. Kaplan, have this taken care of,” he directed. “I have dinner plans I need to make.”

 

* * *

 

 

At 7:30, Dembe pulled the Mercedes to a stop outside Liz’s house. Red climbed the stairs to her door and knocked. He chuckled when Hudson’s barking sounded through the door followed by Liz’s voice scolding him to shut up. After a moment, she opened the door and his heart skipped a beat at the sight before him.

 

She had done her hair in a way that it draped beautifully over her shoulder, hiding the marks on her body. For a moment, he felt his anger returning accompanied with great sorrow at what she had endured. His eyes continued over her body causing his painful thoughts to subside for the time being.

 

He had made plans to take her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. Her attire certainly exceeded the necessary garb for the night, or maybe he was just so enthralled with the vision before him that he saw her as the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. She wore an elegant red dress. In reality, it was just a moderately fancy sundress. Liz loved it because it even had pockets! The top half of the dress modestly covered her chest, slightly showing her collarbones. A seam in the dress circled her ribs making the bottom of the dress flow freely around her torso and hips. The edge of the dress covered down to her mid-thigh, and the long stretch of legs that he saw captivated him. She completed the simple style with black sandals. He thought to himself, she must have no clue the effect she has. 

 

He swore to himself that he would not overstep tonight. She was still recovering from the attack, and she still hadn’t told him all that had happened. He half expected her not to say anything at all; he wouldn’t push her to either. She needed time to heal, both physically and mentally, and he would give her all the time in the world. Honestly, he would deny her nothing in terms of what she needed or wanted. 

 

“What do you think?” She exhaled, feeling more nervous about his response than she thought she would. 

 

He just smiled at her, rolling his tongue around in his mouth, unable to say the thoughts in his mind. There were no words sufficient to describe what he saw. A sigh escaped his mouth and he shook his head in disbelief. “Ready?” He offered her his arm.

 

She smiled at him, laughing a bit on the inside and still a bit unsure, but the look on his face was enough for now. She took his arm and let him lead her down the stairs to the car. 

 

Kenneth rounded the car and sat in the seat beside her. He nodded to Dembe and looked back at Liz, “Elizabeth, this is Dembe. He’s my…security.” He smiled to himself. Dembe has and always will be so much more than that. “Dembe, this is the beautiful Elizabeth Scott that I have been telling you about.”

 

Liz smiled at Kenneth and then at the man driving. “It’s nice to meet you, Dembe,” she said politely. He returned her sentiment with a brief smile and nod in the rearview mirror.

 

Twenty minutes later, Liz found herself dining at an expensive and intimate restaurant with the most interesting man she had ever met. He showed up on her doorstep wearing an impeccably tailored three-piece suit, better than any she had seen him wear before. Simply being with him caused her heart to flutter and her cheeks to flush and she couldn’t help but smile every time the man even glanced in her direction. 

 

They enjoyed a relatively quiet meal. Kenneth ordered the drinks, Liz ordered dessert, and they both found that conversation, although minimal, was extraordinary. They talked about the simplest things from Liz’s Etsy business to the types of ties Kenneth wears. They asked the child-like, get-to-know-you questions: what’s your favorite color, what kind of music do you like, who was your first-grade teacher? They laughed and flirted and had a wonderful evening. After a moment of blissful laughter, Kenneth watched the hair fall from Liz’s shoulder and reveal a bit of purple skin. Suddenly, everything came back to haunt him and he grew solemn.

 

“What?” Liz asked, a growing sense of unease rising through her as he continued in his unpleasant reverie.

 

“I feel,” he began rather slowly and in a much darker tone. He was unable to make eye contact with her, “that I owe you an explanation for my absence.” 

 

“I thought…I thought you gave me one.”

 

“Yes, but I’m afraid that it wasn’t enough.”

 

She stayed silent, urging him to go on with her eyes.

 

“The day we met, Lizzie, I received a phone call from a business associate in Germany. There was a problem with the shipment of goods he was procuring for me. Typically, I would see to the problem in person, but…I had ample reason to stay here,” he smiled solemnly at her. “I sent one of my people to Germany as a representative of my organization. The negotiations were going well, so I was able to spend time with you. But as I said before, an emergency arose.” 

 

He began chewing on the inside of his mouth, struggling to find the words to say to her without losing the trust they had built. The reality of the situation was that an opposing ‘power’ felt the need to threaten Red. A man named Stefan Johannes, basically a German, neo-Nazi thug with a small brain and an unfortunately large supply of guns and black tar heroin had stolen the shipment of guns that Red was transporting. His goal, apparently, was to ransom the guns for a higher price and upon payment, kill the opposition and leave with the money and the guns. His one mistake was pride - pride and a lack of understanding exactly who Raymond Reddington is. 

 

“It was an incident that forced an appearance on my part. I was able to deal with the problem almost immediately. There were, however…complications. Those complications were the cause of my trip lasting three weeks instead of three days.” The ‘complications’ involved tracking down every last one of Johannes’s people and putting a bullet in their skull if they didn’t give up the location of their boss. He and Dembe eventually found Johannes in the den of a children’s brothel, as if Red needed another reason to kill the man. After dealing with Johannes, they helped every one of the children to find a safe place to go until they could be adopted. 

 

Liz just looked at him. She could see that he was hiding something. The narrative he told was less than vague, but she got the impression that maybe she didn’t want to know the whole truth this time. And besides, she was just happy to have him back and with the knowledge that he enjoyed being with her. She gave him a gentle smile, “Thank you. You don’t really have to give me an explanation, but thank you all the same.”

 

His eyes were still downcast, although he did see her smile. His head hung low and he spoke in a quiet voice, “I feel I am somewhat responsible for what happened-”

 

“No!” She cut him off quickly. Her initial outburst drew his attention back to her face. She continued on more quietly, but leaned forward and took his hands on the table, “No, Kenneth. Tom is…obsessive. Even if you were here, he wouldn’t have given up. He had an idea in his head and he wasn’t going to rest until he fulfilled it….”

 

He squeezed her hands and smiled at her. They stayed like that for some time, holding hands quietly. Finally, he spoke again, softly and calmly, “He won’t ever bother you again, Lizzie.”

 

“I hope so.”

 

“I promise you, Elizabeth. Tom Keen will never bother you again.” He spoke with such severity that it almost scared her, but at the same time, his words comforted her. She trusted Kenneth explicitly and she was sure that even if he may not be 100% truthful, he would never hurt her. And that’s what mattered most.

 

“Kenneth…I never actually told you what happened…”

 

“You don’t have to,” he squeezed her hands again giving all the support he could muster.

 

She was grateful for that, but she felt he needed to know. If she was honest, she wanted to give him an out if he needed one. Her fear would always be there unless she dealt with it. “I know. I need to tell you, to tell someone. And if I’m going to tell someone, I want to tell you. Okay?” He nodded at her and she continued, “Tom…we sort of had a date. Well, not really a date, but we talked for a few hours and then he kissed me. I have been turning him down the entire time we’ve known each other, but he took advantage of an opportunity and kissed me. Anyway, I turned him down again and he got mad. Started following me around, calling me names and such. Then one day he tried to apologize, but that was just another way that he was trying to ask me out. He was so…angry…so vicious. I don’t know what happened exactly, but basically, he broke into my house while I was in the shower…” she had pulled her hands away from Kenneth and folded her arms around herself. She refused to make eye contact, but he didn’t press, just let her talk and breathe. She thought back to that night, her heart began beating faster in her chest and she couldn’t keep her hands from shaking. She opened her mouth to continue and found that it was suddenly very dry. Kenneth set a glass of water in front of her and she took it with shaky hands. After taking a sip, she cleared her throat and continued, “He pulled me from the shower.” Tears began burning her eyes. “I couldn’t fight him. He wouldn’t give up, he just kept hitting me…and then…”

 

“Elizabeth…please, you don’t need to go on,” he said. He couldn’t watch her like this anymore. He needed to help her get better, but he wasn’t sure he could listen to this again, especially not coming from her. He couldn’t even fathom what she must be going through.

 

Liz dropped her chin to her chest and let the tears fall down her face. She pulled her arms tighter around her shaking form. Finally, she was able to compose herself enough to excuse herself to the bathroom.

 

While she was gone, the waiter came with the bill. Red paid it leaving a generous tip. A short while later, Liz came back to the table looking a bit refreshed, but her eyes were still red. He smiled at her and stifled the urge to wrap her in his arms. Instead, he took her arm and wrapped it around his and walked her outside. There, Dembe was waiting with the car. Kenneth ushered her into the backseat before rounding the vehicle and taking his place beside her. 

 

They drove in relative silence with only the sound of the road and cars around them. Every few minutes, Liz would glance in his direction and always find him looking back at her with that same smile from the day they met. She felt every fear subside with each smile shared, and by the time they reached her house she was so at ease that she wanted to invite him inside. Ever the gentlemen, he escorted her from the car to her front door where he was prepared to leave her.

 

She hesitated, leaving her keys in her bag. “Would you like to come in?” She asked just before he turned away. “I could make coffee or something, even for Dembe,” she laughed, stuttering a bit and biting her bottom lip waiting for a response.

 

He smiled at her, secretly thrilled with her unwillingness to allow the night to end. But end it must, “I would like nothing more than to continue this night with you, Lizzie. But I’m afraid Dembe gets a little cranky without his beauty rest,” he joked looking back at the man standing by the car. His only response was an exaggerated eye roll. Liz found it amusing enough and a childish giggle erupted from her belly. The noise made both men smile; Kenneth, of course, appreciated it far more. He gave Lizzie a radiant smile in return and stepped towards her slowly, “If you’re working tomorrow I will see you then.”

 

“Okay,” she conceded and turned to put her key in the lock. “Oh wait! I still don’t have your phone number.”

 

He chuckled and pulled a piece of folded paper from his pocket with numbers sketched on them in a specific order. “I meant to give you this earlier,” he said handing her the paper. “Anytime, day or night. You call, I’ll answer.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Of course,” and with that he stepped back towards the car and watched her safely enter her home. 

 

* * *

 

The next few weeks flew by for Liz. As Kenneth promised, Tom was gone and not bothering her. Slowly the bruises and cuts healed, allowing her skin to return to its healthy state. The only thing left to heal was her mind. She often found herself waking up shaking and terrified and sometimes even screaming. She had begun triple checking the locks on her doors and leaving the lights on in the hallway. Hudson stayed loyally at her side and did his best to comfort her through each panic attack she had. 

 

Finally, she picked up her phone and called Kenneth. She had just woken up from a particularly nasty dream. She was sweating and finding it increasingly hard to breathe. Her hands were shaking almost too much to even tap the appropriate buttons, but soon enough she heard his husky voice in the speaker.

 

“Good evening, Lizzie,” he said in his husky tone.

 

She was still breathing heavily and couldn’t really form words, a fact which worried him greatly.

 

“Lizzie? Are you alright?” He waited… “Lizzie? What’s wrong?” All he could hear was her heavy, uneven breaths. “Breathe with me, Lizzie, okay? Deep breath through your nose…slowly out through your mouth.” He counted with her, ten even breaths. Then he counted again, another ten, and then another, and another until she was finally breathing on her own. 

 

“Thank you,” she whispered into the phone.

 

At her words, his heart finally settled. “Are you okay?”

 

“I had a nightmare…I’ve been…” she sighed. “I’ve been having panic attacks. It’s stupid because I’m trained to deal with this, but it’s not like I can really help myself…” she finished somewhat lamely. She couldn’t help but feel embarrassed for calling him in the middle of the night. But then again…

 

“That’s what I’m here for. I will always help you if I can. You’re not alone in this, alright?”

 

“Yeah…” she said quietly. Then she tried lightening the mood, “Hudson is a great pal to have – keeps me calm.”

 

“Well, he is doing a splendid job,” he retorted dryly. 

 

She laughed, which was a good sign. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

 

“Nonsense. I don’t sleep much these days anyway. But now that you’re awake, I was wondering if I might make you an offer you can’t refuse.”

 

She sat back in her bed leaning against the headboard. The corners of her mouth were turned up slightly. “What did you have in mind?”

 

“How do you feel about a villa on a private island in Belize?”

 

“It sounds like an expensive weekend getaway,” she laughed.

 

“Oh, sweetheart, I was thinking more along the lines of…say two to three weeks?”

 

“Weeks?!” She shot up from the bed, startling Hudson.

 

“Is that too much?” He asked more calmly. “I was thinking a relaxing vacation on a secluded island might be exactly what you need to heal.” The concern in his voice always did melt her heart.

 

“Actually, I could use a few weeks away from the world…my alone-time at home isn’t exactly enough.”

 

“Uninterrupted peace,” he provided.

 

“Yeah,” she paused, hesitating slightly on her next thought. She chewed on her bottom lip, “Would I be spending this time…alone?”

 

“That’s entirely up to you, sweetheart.”

 

There was a long pause as she thought to herself. She wanted him with her, undoubtedly. But, honestly, she wasn’t ready to be…intimate, yet. She had only just started feeling comfortable enough to hold his hand, to hug him. She still jumped when people came up from behind her and touched her shoulder without warning. But…she may not have made it tonight if it weren’t for him. “I need my space, but I also need…you,” she let out a shaky breath and anxiously awaited his response.

 

He smiled into the phone. Her reasons for hesitation were more than obvious to him, but he would never push. “Of course I’ll be there, Lizzie.”

 

She let out a deep breath that she didn’t realize she was holding and slowly a smile crept across her face. “I’ll have to find somewhere for Hudson. He doesn’t travel well,” she laughed as she scratched the dog’s head. 

 

“I know of a wonderful little pet hotel at which we can board him,” he offered, eliciting a giggle from Liz.

 

“Is there anything you don’t know about?”

 

He chuckled and smiled broadly at the sound of her, “Not much, but I do have many connections.” 

 

“Well, one day you’re going to have to tell me all about it.”

 

“Yes…” he thought for a moment. “We can leave whenever you’d like. My jet is always on standby.”

 

She marveled at this man. She had only known him two months, and while she felt like she’d known him forever, she still had so much to learn about him. “I just have to make sure that I can take off that much time for work. Then all I’ll have to do is deal with Hudson.”

 

“Alright,” he smiled. They were both quiet for some time, not wanting to end the call but seemingly out of things to say. Finally, Liz let out a soft yawn. “Sweetheart, why don’t you go back to sleep, get some rest, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Okay,” she mumbled through another yawn. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Kenneth.”

 

“Goodnight, Lizzie. Sleep well.”

 

Liz begrudgingly went to work the next morning after having only slept a few good hours. Since Tom had disappeared to wherever, she was promoted to his managerial position. It came with a nice pay raise, but mostly it meant she could take off two weeks without any problems. Kenneth visited her at lunch bringing with him her favorite Chinese food. They sat together for an hour talking about their trip. Kenneth made reservations for Hudson; all Liz had to do was drop him off. 

 

He told her about the island: 7.5 acres, completely private, with three houses connected by walkways, and fully staffed. It was a 40-minute helicopter ride from Belize City. They would have it all to themselves for as long as they’d like. Kenneth had an ‘in’ with the owner. He told her about the 60-foot yacht that would also be available to them. The more he talked about it, the more in love she fell with the island. It sounded perfect.

 

“You can have your own room with a private bathroom. I can stay right down the hall, or if you wanted more privacy, I could always stay in one of the other houses.”

 

“Yeah right,” she said adamantly. “I’m not staying in a house in a different country, by myself. You’ll stay as close to me as possible!” She laughed…and then she realized what she’d said. Her face filled with heat and her cheeks turned red. “Well, I mean, you know…you can stay in the room next to mine…”

 

He chuckled at her discomfort and marveled at her beauty while doing so. “As I said before, Lizzie, that is entirely up to you.” He looked at her with his head crooked to the side and his tongue rested in the corner of his mouth, just barely wetting his lips. “However, I wouldn’t mind staying as close to you as possible,” he rumbled in his deep, husky voice that sent chills down her spine.

 

A deep blush spread across her face and butterflies filled her stomach. She hid a smile from him and excused herself from the table, claiming the need to speak with an employee. Kenneth chuckled to himself as she hurried away.

 

Liz did actually need to speak with one of her coworkers. She was informing Aram that he would need to be in charge for two weeks starting tomorrow. He was a bit nervous, but after she walked him through the lock-up process and handed him the keys, he seemed to settle down a bit. She informed him that she would be leaving early today but if he needed any help, she would be available. Aram gave her a big smile, reassured her that all would be well, and wished her farewell on her vacation with Kenneth. 

 

By 4 o’clock, Liz was packed and ready to go. Kenneth arrived shortly after in an SUV, large enough to accommodate their luggage, as well as Hudson. Dembe drove, of course, leading them first to the Puppy Palace where they left Hudson in their capable hands. Then he led them to a private airstrip where Kenneth’s jet sat waiting for their arrival.

 

Liz found herself openly gawking at the plane in front of them. It was small as she had been expecting, just large enough to carry a few passengers and their luggage, but she wasn’t expecting it to look so expensive. It was in pristine condition and it looked like it could be the fastest private jet in existence. She finally exited the vehicle when Kenneth opened her door and extended his hand. She couldn’t find the words to say just yet, so she allowed him to escort her to the plane without any comment. 

 

About an hour later, they were in the air traveling southwest toward their island destination. They would have to land in Belize City and then take a helicopter ride to the island. Kenneth explained it all to her during takeoff. Eventually, she found her voice again, but only when Kenneth began making small talk. He was obviously trying to ease whatever discomfort she was feeling. 

 

After another moment of silence, he finally asked her, “Are you alright, Lizzie?”

 

She looked at him with somewhat of a dazed expression, “Yeah…I guess I’m still surprised that this is actually happening. I’ve never gone on vacation with such short notice.”

 

“I’m sorry…” he rushed to fix his mistake, but she cut him off.

 

“No, it’s okay! I don’t mind at all. I’m enjoying the spontaneity of it,” she laughed. “You just continue to amaze me,” she smiled at him with the biggest smile he had ever seen. It was genuine and serene and, God help him, so beautiful. 

 

They hadn’t even reached their destination and she already looked so peaceful. He could feel it happening deep inside his heart, something he wasn’t even sure still existed. He could feel his love for this woman and it was overwhelming. He forced himself to look away from her as the tears began to burn in his eyes. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep lying to her. Every time she called him Kenneth, he cringed inwardly. He longed to hear his name come out of her lips. Red or Raymond, he didn’t care, anything but Kenneth. 

 

* * *

 

 

The sun had set by the time they reached the island, so Liz wasn’t able to experience its full beauty. She was still extremely impressed by all that was offered. She couldn’t wait to go for a morning swim, sit out by the water all day, read under a palm tree, sip coffee on the deck of the boat. She was almost too excited to sleep.

 

She had just finished putting her clothes away when she heard a knock at her door. “Come in,” she called.

 

“Lizzie,” Kenneth said as he stuck his head through the doorway. She smiled at him and he smiled in return. “There’s dinner ready if you’d like anything. The kitchen staff prepared some delicious local cuisine: grilled chicken, rice, and fried plantains. It smells exquisite.”

 

“Mmm,” she moaned excitedly. “That sounds amazing. I’m starving!” She followed him into the kitchen and he pulled out a chair for her at the breakfast bar. 

 

He went into the kitchen and prepared two plates of food. After the staff finished, he dismissed them, wanting to give Liz the privacy she needed. He placed one plate in front of her and the other in front of the chair next to her. 

 

“What would you like to drink, sweetheart? There’s wine, beer, water, soda, and tea,” he said, peering into the refrigerator. 

 

“What kind of wine?”

 

“Let’s see…we have a rose, chardonnay, sauvignon, merlot, and pinot. I think the sauvignon will go perfectly with the chicken. What do you think?” He asked, sticking his head around the refrigerator door.

 

She smiled at him again. He looked so at home here, and it felt very domestic. She enjoyed watching him a great deal. Plus the view she had of him bent over peering into the fridge wasn’t bad either, she laughed to herself. “The sauvignon sounds perfect.”

 

He grabbed the bottle and reached into the cabinet for two glasses. He slowly poured them each a glass and sat down next her. He raised his glass, “To you.” He said, gently smiling at her.

 

“To us,” she replied and clinked their glasses together. 

 

They ate quietly, occasionally sharing a smile and commenting on the delicious food. Finally, Liz looked around and realized how alone they were. “Where is everyone?”

 

“I sent the staff home for the night. They stay in one of the houses on the other side of the island. My people are in the house next door; only Dembe and Baz.”

 

“Gotcha,” she nodded her head. Then she laughed, “I don’t know why I just noticed we were alone. I guess I’m just having a wonderful time with you,” she added quietly and kept her eyes on her now empty plate. Her hand rested on the stem of her wine glass and she spun it around absently. 

 

He smiled and took her chin in his hand, angling her face up to reach his eyes. He left his hand on her face as he spoke, “I’m having a wonderful time, as well, Lizzie.” 

 

They shared this moment in the quiet, his hand on her face and her eyes glued to his. She leaned ever so slightly into his touch and found that she could have stayed like that forever. 

 

“Would you like to go sit out by the water for a bit?” He asked, finally breaking their spell.

 

She nodded slightly and took his hand in hers when he stood. He led them out the back door and down into the sand where two chairs awaited them, facing the water. They chatted quietly, looking out over the water as they did so. Every so often they’d share an amusing story and find themselves laughing uncontrollably. 

 

“You’re kidding!” She laughed with tears in her eyes. Her breathing was ragged after all the laughter.

 

“I wish I was! Grace Maybell was twice my size and could easily crush me, but, God help me, I was in love with her,” he said looking up at the sky remembering his first love. “I asked her to a dance once and to my surprise, she actually said yes!” She laughed at him again. “We were quite the pair. Honestly, you should see the pictures,” he laughed.

 

Eventually, the air began to get chilly so they called it a night and went inside. Liz was reluctant to go to her room because she truly didn’t want to leave his side. Instead, they sat on the couch and talked more. He refilled each of their wine glasses twice more.

 

Around 3 am, Liz had fallen asleep on him with his arm wrapped around her shoulder. He didn’t dare move but simply enjoyed being near to her and breathing in the sweet smell of her hair. Not long after, he followed her into the peacefulness of sleep. 

 

* * *

 

The sun came through the curtains early the next morning. Liz snuggled in closer to the warmth. She was very comfortable where she was and didn’t want to consider moving. Although, when she snuggled closer, she heard a soft groan and realized that the warmth wasn’t her bed but it was a person. She remembered dozing off on the couch last night and smiled at the thought of upon whom she had fallen asleep. She opened her eyes slowly.

 

“Good morning,” Kenneth rumbled, quietly smiling up at her. During their sleep, they had stretched out on the couch and now Lizzie’s body was on top of Kenneth’s. Their legs were tangled together, her head was on his chest, and his arms were wrapped around her. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so happy or having slept so well.

 

“Good morning,” she smiled back. “I hope I’m not crushing you,” she laughed, shyly.

 

“Of course not,” he reassured her and pulled her closer when she tried to lift some of her weight off him. “I can assure you, I am quite comfortable.”

 

“Glad to hear it,” she smiled. “What time is it?”

 

“Hmm, 7:30,” he said, looking at his watch. “Would you like something for breakfast? We can have the staff come in, or I can whip something up for us.”

 

She propped her chin up on his chest and smiled down at him, “I could go for some coffee…and you cooking? That I gotta see!” She giggled.

 

The pair stayed in each other’s arms for a while longer. The tension between them grew as they began noticing the various body parts pressed up against the other. Liz felt her heart beating faster and faster; Kenneth’s pupils dilated and he felt his blood rush to a particular body part. Almost simultaneously, they jumped from the couch, clearing their throats and moving to opposite sides of the room. Liz went straight for her bathroom – the need to take a cold shower was extremely pressing. Kenneth moved into the kitchen and when Liz was out of sight, he splashed cold water on his face. 

 

In the bathroom, Liz found herself staring at her reflection. Keep it together, she told herself, don’t rush into anything. She took a few cleansing breaths and started the shower. 

 

In the kitchen, Red was whispering to himself. “She still needs time, you old fool.” He searched in the refrigerator for decent breakfast foods. He found various fruits, eggs, juice, and breakfast sausage. After getting together the proper ingredients, he set about his task of making breakfast. As he cracked the first egg into the pan, Dembe came through the door.

 

“Good morning, Raymond. Where is Elizabeth?” He asked his friend.

 

Red looked over his shoulder and smiled at the man,  “Good morning, Dembe. Lizzie is in the shower. I’m preparing breakfast, would you and Baz like anything?”

 

“No thanks, Boss,” Baz answered, coming through the door. “Just checking in on you guys.”

 

“We received a call about an hour ago from Innsbruck-”

 

“We can’t go to Austria at the moment. Our dealings with Johannes have halted any business in the area for at least another few months,” Red interrupted as he flipped over an egg.

 

“Yes. I informed Emil of our situation,” Dembe added carefully. They paused their conversation for a moment as Liz stepped out of her room. 

 

“Hey, do you thi-” she started before she realized there were more people around. “Oh…”

 

“Lizzie!” Kenneth said when she walked into his line of sight. “You know Dembe, of course. I’m not sure if you had the pleasure of meeting Baz. He arrived last night sometime after us.”

 

“Hi,” Liz said nicely and she extended her hand in the new man’s direction.

 

“It’s nice to meet you, “ Baz replied, shaking her hand.

 

“You were saying?” Kenneth added after the pleasantries were finished. 

 

“Oh, right. I was just going to ask if you wanted to go for a swim after we ate, but if you’re busy…?”

 

“Nonsense. The boys here were just popping in for a morning debrief,” Kenneth said while waving a spatula in their direction. “A swim sounds wonderful! Dembe,” he directed his attention back to the food, “call Emil again. Tell him that if there’s a problem of any kind to call Mr. Kaplan. She will be dealing with things while Elizabeth and I enjoy the beautiful ocean breeze,” he finished with a smile towards the woman.

 

Dembe nodded, and he and Baz left the couple to their breakfast. Kenneth began plating the food and setting it out neatly. He made sure to slice the fruit and pour them each a glass of orange juice. As Liz sat down, the toast popped from the toaster. 

 

“It smells wonderful,” she exclaimed looking at all the food. “Are you sure you don’t need to work, though?”

 

“Of course I’m sure,” he said, taking the seat next to her and adding a slice of toast to her plate. “This is a vacation. I will be treating it as such, so unless there is an emergency, I will not be taking any calls.” He smiled at her and held up his glass in cheers. She smiled back at him and raised her glass. 

 

The breakfast truly was delicious. Liz found that she had no time in between bites to do more than make happy noises. This, of course, amused Kenneth to no end. He enjoyed watching her do anything and everything. He enjoyed hearing her making noises just as much. For a moment, he even allowed himself to wonder if she made the same noises when making love…

 

“Everything okay,” she asked, pulling him out of his train of thought.

 

He blinked a few times, nodded his head once, and cleared his throat. He simply had no words so he distracted himself with a sip of juice. 

 

“You were just doing some serious thinking,” she laughed.

 

“Hm, yes, I was,” he agreed. “But it can wait, for a little while,” he smiled coyly.

 

She laughed at him again and then stood from the table. “I’m going to grab my towel and a book, do some reading before we get into the water. Do you want me to grab anything for you?”

 

“That’s alright, Lizzie. You go on ahead. I still need to change.”

 

She left him at the table. He took a few more bites of food then excused himself, allowing the staff to clean up after him. He wondered when he had gotten used to other people cleaning up his messes. He pushed the thought from his mind when he saw Lizzie come out of her room dressed in a bikini, a summery looking wrap around her waist, and a book tucked under one arm. She swatted her towel at him in passing and the playful gesture made him chuckle. 

 

Twenty minutes later and he was walking along the sandy path down to the water. He pulled up short when he saw Liz lying on her stomach one hand under her chin and the other holding her book. She looked absolutely radiant and the sun shining off her skin made his heart beat faster. She turned her head slightly up at him, blocked the sun with her book and smiled.

 

“Hey stranger,” she said kindly. 

 

“Hey yourself,” he smiled.

 

“Do you want to get in the water? I’m starting to get very hot,” she laughed.

 

There his mind went again…he watched her as she stood. Her hair fell over her shoulders and she moved through the sand so easily. The marks on her body were completely gone now, only memories in her mind. He couldn’t peel his eyes from her; she was breathtakingly beautiful and he absolutely loved the view.

 

She turned just before she reached the water and called back to him, “Come on!” She smiled and waved him over.

 

He kicked off his shoes, laid his towel on the sand next to hers, and put his glasses on top. Then he walked towards the water, towards her smile.

 

“Take your shirt off,” she laughed. She actually liked how he was dressed currently. He wore navy blue swim trunks that stopped a couple of inches above his knees. They even had little white anchors strewn all over. His shirt in question was solid white and just a bit see-through in proper lighting. It buttoned down the front and the sleeves stopped just above his elbow. It was the kind of material she would imagine gets worn often in this tropical climate – soft, light, and breezy. “You’re going to get a farmer’s tan!”

 

“What makes you think I don’t already have one?” He replied with a smile, stopping in the sand next to her. 

 

“At this point, I’m just guessing.” She pulled up his shirtsleeve and peeked underneath.

 

He swatted her hand away and chuckled, “I can assure you, I am just fine with it on.”

 

“Maybe,” she said in a more sultry voice. “But what if I want to see what’s underneath?”

 

He smiled at her again. If she was going to get flirty, he wouldn’t last five minutes. But before he took his shirt off, she would need to be prepared. He tilted his head to the side and look through his eyelashes at her. His large genuine smile from before turned into a smaller, more guarded one. He reached out and touched her shoulder, trailing his fingers down to her elbow where he let his hand rest. “Lizzie, I need you to know something before I take my shirt off.”

 

“Okay,” she said quietly. Her face grew serious, mimicking his tone of voice. She watched his upper lip twitch slightly and he chewed on his tongue before deciding on the right words.

 

“A much younger version of myself,” he started, “was involved in some complicated business. Almost more complicated than the business I am currently involved in,” he laughed inwardly to himself. “There was a time when I would have done anything for a woman I thought that I loved. I suppose that is still the case, however, I force myself to take more time to realize those kinds of feelings, and even when I realize them, I push them aside because all too often my trust is broken.” The more he talked, the more he realized how off-topic he was getting. He also realized exactly how much of himself he was sharing, but he couldn’t seem to stop until he got to the point. “I am worried, Lizzie, that my trust will be broken. Not on purpose, but inevitably it always happens.”

 

His words saddened her, and she wanted to assure him that she wasn’t going to break his trust. But he continued on, not allowing her to speak until he was finished.

 

“I have scars, both internal and external. The internal ones likely cause the many dysfunctional relationships I have had and still do have. But the external scars, they are fairly gruesome. I’m not sure if I’ll scare you away or what, but you need to be prepared for them.” As he finished talking, and without warning, he unbuttoned his shirt.

 

She had no time to admire him because as soon as the shirt came off he turned around. There in front of her was a sight she had truly never seen before. His back was mapped with scar tissue from the tops of his shoulders to the top of his shorts. She imagined they went below that line a bit as well. The skin was thick and it looked like it had been excruciatingly painful at the time. She felt tears prick the corners of her eyes as she thought about the pain he must have endured. She reached out a tentative hand and could feel him tense at her touch. 

 

Liz placed the palm of her hand gently between his shoulder blades. He closed his eyes at the warmth of the contact. She was kinder than he expected. But truthfully, he should have expected nothing less. Elizabeth was quite possibly the kindest person he had ever known, rivaled only by Dembe. Her hand stayed still on his back for a few moments before she pushed for him to turn around. And when he faced her, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He could feel many things that he longed to explore, but for the time being, he kept himself in check. Wet tears reached his skin and he pulled her back to look into her face.

 

“Don’t cry, Elizabeth,” he whispered softly as he wiped the tears from her cheeks.

 

“I’m so sorry!” She said with a wet voice. “It must have been so painful…” She threw her arms around him again and held him there for some time. He was comforted by her tenderness, even moved to the point of feeling tears in his own eyes. He took a steadying breath to clear away the urge to weep. She pulled back and looked into his eyes with a smile. She moved her hand to cup his cheek and stroked his eyebrow down to the edge of his jaw following her movements with her eyes. She moved her thumb to his bottom lip and stroked it gently. They had both been through so much pain and she couldn’t stand it any longer. She looked into his eyes and in the blink of an eye, she moved her lips to his, attempting to clear away both of their pain. 

 

He stood still in her arms. It took him a moment to realize exactly what was happening and when he finally did, he smiled. His hands had been resting on her hips, so he moved them to her back and pulled her closer, returning her tender kiss. It was soft and slow and perfect. 

 

They parted naturally and he rested his forehead on hers. “Thank you,” he whispered.

 

She smiled. “How about that swim?”

 

* * *

 

 

They swam for a couple of hours, occasionally taking breaks to lie in the sun and hold each other. They shared more kisses, but for the sake of ‘taking it slow,’ they stayed at first base. Eventually, the sun and ocean tired them out so they moved back into the house. Kenneth asked the staff to prepare lunch. He would have actually preferred to do it himself, but he was paying them – might as well let them work. 

 

While lunch was being prepared, Liz felt the need for a quick shower and a nap. Turned out to be a decent plan because the business in Innsbruck needed Red’s voice. When Liz had excused herself to her bedroom, Dembe came back in with a cell phone and a scowl on his face.

 

“Emil claims that his buyer can and will only deal with you, Raymond, or the deal is off. Apparently, Kate’s appearance made no difference.”

 

“I can’t go anywhere right now, Dembe. You know that.”

 

“I understand. Please, at least talk to Emil,” he handed him the phone.

 

“Fine.”

 

He talked with Emil for over an hour. There wasn’t much Red could do over the phone other than give his word. Over the phone, Red was passed to Emil’s buyer – Thompson. Red assured him that Mr. Kaplan was a trusted friend and employee, and if Thompson couldn’t work with her, then Red would have no problem finding someone else to deal with. The problem for Thompson being that if he didn’t get Red’s business, he would lose 7.9 billion dollars annually.Red, however, would lose nothing, still find someone to do business with, and, eventually, make a large amount of money. Needless to say, the problem was eventually solved.

 

The head chef came into the room to inform him that lunch was prepared. Red asked that someone wake Liz and send her to him. As the staff member left, Dembe came in to take the phone back as well as impart some unwanted wisdom to Red.

 

“She needs to know, Raymond.”

 

“Excuse me?” Red asked, looking quizzically at the man.

 

“Elizabeth needs to know who you truly are.” When it came to Red, Dembe was always the one to urge him to be truthful - an aspect that Red loved about the man, even if he also felt greatly aggravated with him. 

 

Red stepped into the younger man’s space, not close enough to be threatening, but close enough to make a point. “I appreciate your candor, Dembe, but please…do shut up.” Dembe gave Red a brief smile and left him alone.

 

Red stood to face a large window and sipped from a glass of scotch. He was still wearing his swim trunks and the linen shirt. He was just beginning to think about Dembe’s words when he heard a voice behind him.

 

“Hey,” Liz said in a tired voice. “I’ve been told lunch is ready,” she smiled.

 

He turned around to find her leaning against the wall. Her hair was still damp from her shower and messy from her nap. She wore a simple t-shirt and shorts, but he still couldn’t get over how beautiful she was. Her skin was darker from the sun, probably a little red as well. He smiled at her, placed his scotch glass down, and walked towards her. “You look like you got some sun.”

 

“Well I would hope so,” she laughed and looked down at herself. “I’m not too burnt, am I? I could kind of feel the heat when I got dressed.”

 

“We’ll have to keep applying after-sun lotion, as well as regular sunblock, but I think you look perfect,” he purred, placing his hands on her shoulders and running them down her arms. 

 

She smiled and leaned into him, letting his arms wrap around her. She rested her forehead under his chin and snaked her arms around his waist. They shared this quiet moment until the sound of a rumbling stomach interrupted, causing both parties to chuckle.

 

He led her into the kitchen where the staff had prepared a delicious looking meal. They began eating immediately, both extremely hungry from the activities this morning. After lunch, they spent the rest of the day reading and sharing more stories. 

 

For the rest of the trip, they explored the island and the water surrounding it. Kenneth took Lizzie out on the boat where he taught her some of the basics of sailing; most of which didn’t apply because the boat was much larger than the average sailboat and everything was controlled from the motor room. He did his best to impress her with fine wines, Belizean delicacies, and extravagant stories. 

 

By the second week, Liz felt like she had known the man for her entire life. She felt like he was her best friend, her most trusted advisor, everything she had ever wanted. She even got to know Dembe and Baz - the two men whom she assumed were Kenneth’s closest friends. She was becoming an expert chess player and discovered a new appreciation for scotch. Mostly, she loved the taste of his mouth, of scotch mixed with an expensive cigar. 

 

They still hadn’t crossed the threshold of sleeping together, aside from that first night when they fell asleep on the couch. Liz was still nervous. She was still dealing with what happened with Tom. She hated that she couldn’t move past it, but every time that Kenneth tried to touch her, she flashed back to Tom. She would shove him away and have to run to her room to be alone. She was always the one to initiate their intimate moments. But she desperately wanted to be able to give that to him, to allow him to take her to his bed and make love to her. She knew it wasn’t fair to him. There were moments when she found herself alone that she thought it might just be easier to push him away altogether. Let him find someone who could love him and let him love. But every time she ran away he would wait for her to come back. And every time she came back he always said the same thing.

 

“I’m sorry, Lizzie. Whenever you’re ready. As long as I am here with you, nothing else matters.”

 

And every time, she fell more in love with him. 

 

* * *

 

Finally, their vacation came to an end. Kenneth needed to return to work, and Liz, well Liz really only missed Hudson. She could have gone without work for another month. It was late on a Saturday night when they arrived back in Bethesda. Kenneth walked Liz to her door, gave her a long goodnight kiss, and vowed to call her in the morning. 

 

Liz smiled and waved and watched as they drove away. She would have to get Hudson in the morning, so the house was awfully quiet. She brought her bags up to her room but decided that they could wait to be unpacked. Instead, she went back downstairs and poured herself a glass of wine. She was about to sit down to watch some TV when she noticed a large, thick envelope next to her door. She must have missed it when she came inside. 

 

On the front was only one hand-written word, her name. She picked it up and moved into the living room, taking a seat on the couch and placing her wine glass on the coffee table. She gasped loudly at the first thing she saw when she opened the envelope. An FBI most wanted flyer for Raymond Reddington, known aliases include Kenneth Rathers…

 

* * *

 

She found him the next day sitting on another park bench. She had just picked up Hudson and left him at home. He called like he promised. She thought about ignoring him, but she wanted answers. So she left her dog at home and met ‘Kenneth’ on the park bench. 

 

“Good morning, Lizzie!” He called, standing to greet her.

 

She had the envelope in her hand and threw it at his chest. “I know who you are,” she snapped.

 

His smile, along with any good feeling, vanished. His face turned stone cold when he looked inside the envelope. She wouldn’t sit down, but he had to. This isn’t how he wanted her to find out. “Where did you get this?” He asked in a strained voice and through a clenched jaw. 

 

“I found it last night. Someone slid it under my door.”

 

He nodded his head slightly, sat down, folded his legs and rested his arm on the back of the bench. He often did this, presenting himself as open when in reality he couldn’t be more guarded. 

 

“You’re not going to say anything?” She demanded.

 

“I’m not entirely sure what to say, Elizabeth. I was going to tell you. I had always planned on telling you, but it is far more complicated than anything within that envelope.”

 

“How is it more complicated!? You’re a criminal, a fugitive! I should turn you into the FBI-”

 

“If that’s what you want to do, then I won’t try to stop you. You should know that I have been evading them rather successfully for the last twenty years or so. If you don’t want me around anymore, then I’ll go. I can be on a plane and disappear. You’ll never have to see or hear from me again. Is that what you want?”

 

She didn’t really know what she wanted other than answers, but she also didn’t exactly have questions. She couldn’t say anything, just looked at him. He took her silence as an answer.

 

“Fine,” he nodded his head. “I’ll be gone tonight.”

 

He stood and walked toward a black Mercedes, toward Dembe. He didn’t want to leave. In fact, he was already planning on leaving a team to watch her, to keep her safe. He did his best not to turn around, but as he stepped into the car he couldn’t help but steal a glance in her direction. She was gone and the envelope with her.

 

“We have a problem, Dembe,” Red gulped. “A very big problem.”


	3. Lost and Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter involves a scene from ep. 1.14, when Red tells Madeline Pratt the story of his family’s death. This monolog does not belong to me, but borrowed from the brilliant writers of TBL.)

“What happened?” Dembe asked from the driver’s seat.

“She knows,” Raymond responded quietly, his voice deep and filled with regret. He was slouching back in his chair, tapping his thumb against his knee, and the muscles in his shoulders were tensed. “Someone put a file under her door while we were away. She found it last night…”

“What did the file say? How much does she know?” Dembe asked in his deep, accented timbre. He had just pulled the car away from the curb heading towards their safe house.

“She learned a great deal about Raymond Reddington, the FBI’s fourth most wanted fugitive. I was going to tell her, Dembe…and now she wants nothing to do with me.” He took a deep breath and gazed out the window at the passing buildings and homes, “I suppose her desire to never see me again is exactly what I deserve.”

“She’s just upset, Raymond. Probably confused, as well. She needs time, yes, but she loves you. She will forgive you,” Dembe looked up to meet Raymond’s eyes in the rearview mirror. He gave the older man a sad but encouraging smile and continued on down the road.

“Thank you,” Raymond said after a few moments. “I hope you’re right.”

After packing the little belongings they had with them, Red stopped Dembe before getting into the car. “I want to set up a security detail. Send Baz and at least three other men to watch her. No interference unless necessary. I need to ensure that she is safe. I also want to know who the hell sent her that damn envelope.”

“Of course,” Dembe answered immediately. He pulled out his phone and dialed Baz, relaying all of the details. Everything was in place by the time they pulled onto the tarmac.

* * *

It had been six months since that day. Since he asked if she wanted him to disappear. Since she stayed silent. Since he left.

She had taken the envelope with her and studied it, studied him. The file was so incredibly detailed. She found herself using the rusty, old psychology skills that she’d had in New York. After knowing him, and then after reading about this criminal, she found that they were far from different men. In fact, he did a piss-poor job of trying to conceal his true identity. She had seen the aspects of his personality both in his eyes and on paper. The criminal mastermind, Raymond Reddington, was, by all means, the same man as Kenneth Rathers. (And not because they were physically the same man.) She’d always felt like she was missing a piece of him, and, well now she’d found it. She’d found him.

Raymond Reddington.

The name bounced around in her head for at least a month before she was able to say it aloud. And then she couldn’t stop saying it. She would have long conversations with Hudson about this Raymond Reddington. Everything about him finally fell into place.

At first, she was terrified. Here she was, just coming home from a two-week getaway on a secluded island with none other than the fourth most wanted fugitive of the Federal Bureau of Investigations… The thought was staggering. And then it brought on a blood boiling rage. She was so furious, so betrayed when she had confronted him.

And then he’d left.

She’d felt his absence immediately. No more phone calls. No more coffee. No more nights on the town. No more spontaneous vacations. No more… Her heart broke. And it was her own damn fault. She knew she had every right to be angry with him, but maybe if she had handled it differently. Maybe if she hadn’t literally thrown it in his face – okay, chest. But still. If she had confronted him with her anger in a more private, more civilized way…maybe he’d still be here. And maybe she wouldn’t have to get to know him by endlessly rereading his life on paper. Maybe, just maybe, she could have truly fallen in love with the man.

No matter his name, Liz knew she had seen the real him - the part of him that mattered. Yes, knowing the truth about his identity is important, but knowing his heart is something more meaningful than a name.

Six months later, and she missed the criminal mastermind. She was forced to endure a freezing winter with only the company of her dog…

The snow fell softly to the ground. It was a bitterly cold morning; the sun was shining grey through the clouds, and Liz was bundled up walking down the sidewalk with Hudson pulling her along.

A few blocks behind them, a black SUV followed along.

“Dude, please do something!” Liz pleaded with the dog. She was shivering and her Ugg boots were beginning to soak through to her socks.

At her words, Hudson’s ears perked up and he craned his head to look up at her, a wide smile on his face and his tongue hanging out the side. He continued to trot through the snow, clearly enjoying it more than Liz. She rolled her eyes at him.

“Fine. Take your sweet time. It’s not like I’m freezing or anything…” she mumbled sarcastically. Finally, he did his business and they headed back home.

As they rounded the corner to Liz’s house, the black SUV had lost sight. The driver sped up to reach the corner to discover Hudson sniffing a light pole; Liz was nowhere in sight.

“Shit,” Baz mumbled to himself. He pressed his ear, opening a channel through his earpiece, “Asset lost. Anyone have eyes?” He looked down the street to a blue pickup truck, then to the third floor of a building at the end.

“Negative,” he heard both voices sound.

“Dammit!” Baz yelled, and then demanded, “We need to find her now!” He raced down the street to pick up Hudson and returned him to the house. While inside, he searched for any signs that Liz may be home; she wasn’t.

He and the rest of the team regrouped at the safe house down the street. While combing through the security video feed, Baz pointed at the screen, “Stop! Back that up…There.” On the screen, they watched as Liz came around the corner with Hudson. A silver minivan pulled up next to her, and within seconds two men dressed in black put a rag over her mouth and dragged her into the back seat. Baz hung his head low as images of Liz’s struggling limbs came over the screen.

“How the fuck did we miss this!” He boomed as he slammed his hand against the table. “Find that van. I want to know where the hell she is and who the fuck took her before I call Reddington. Is that clear?” He yelled to his men.

“Yes sir,” they responded in deep, hesitant voices. They had never seen Baz react like this, but if they didn’t find her they would probably lose more than just their jobs…

It took fifteen minutes for the team to find the minivan. Someone pulled up CCTV footage of the van driving through downtown. At one point it turned down an alleyway and wasn’t seen again; they found it drenched in flames. They had lost her, and Baz knew it was time to make the phone call.

“Yes?” Dembe asked when he picked up the phone. It was too early for the weekly report – something must be wrong.

“She’s gone. We lost her. Tracked down a stolen minivan, no leads. She just disappeared, Dembe,” he finished in a defeated voice. After the island getaway, Baz had grown quite fond of Liz. Losing her was painful, and not just because he had let Red down. “I still have the team looking for any information on her whereabouts. This threat came from nowhere!”

Dembe took a deep breath and lowered his voice, “I will let Raymond know. Baz, try not to worry. You must remain calm if we are going to find Elizabeth,” he paused as Raymond passed by the room, “call Mr. Kaplan. She will assist you in your search.”

“Thank you…Dembe,” Baz paused and held his head in his hand, “please tell him how sorry I am…and that I will not give up until we find her.”

“I will, my friend. Good luck,” he finished and hung up the phone. Dembe took a few moments to gather his thoughts before he went to find Raymond.

He found the older man standing on the balcony of their latest hotel suite. They were in Gstaad visiting an associate and staying for the Balloon Festival. Raymond was enjoying the view of hot air balloons soaring in the sky; he found it peaceful and relaxing.

Dembe watched as Raymond took a deep, cleansing breath of the fresh winter air. He hated to have to give him this news.

“Isn’t it magnificent?” Raymond asked as he heard his friend approach.

“Raymond,” Dembe said quietly. He stayed just inside the doorway, allowing his friend to have the space that this conversation would need.

Raymond’s body immediately tensed at the tone in Dembe’s voice – a change that did not go unnoticed. “What’s happened,” the man spoke, keeping his eyes on the balloons.

“Elizabeth has been taken.”

“By whom?” His body language stayed the same – stiff and closed off, facing the festivities. His voice was deep, dark with a hint of a growl coming from within his throat.

“Unknown at the moment. Baz and his team are working on it. I had them bring Kate in as well.”

Raymond said nothing, but ever so slightly nodded his head. Anger was quickly rising within him. The heat in his face belied the chill in the air.

* * *

She felt a heavy weight on her ankles and wrists. Her head bobbed slightly against her chest as she regained consciousness. She found herself shackled to a metal chair surrounded by darkness – the only light shining directly on her from above. Her heart began beating loudly in her ears and she was finding it harder to breathe with each lonely moment that passed.

She jumped at the sound of a metal door swinging open, the hinges grinding rusted metal against rusted metal. Footsteps followed after; each step ringing out, drawing the sound closer and closer until –

“Hello, Masha,” she heard. Her eyes followed the voice. She looked up to see a tall man wearing a casual suit, no tie, and his jacket was unbuttoned. He smiled sadly at her causing an unsettling feeling to swell in her stomach. “Are you alright?” He asked.

It took her a moment to find her voice, and when she did, she found that she was also very angry, “I’m handcuffed to a chair. How the hell do you think I am?”

“Now, now,” he said pulling up a chair. “That’s no way to speak to your father.”

Liz stared at the man in disbelief. He had called her Masha…and now he’s saying he’s her father? What the hell is going on, she thought to herself. “My father is dead,” she replied in a quiet voice. “He died in a fire.”

“Not quite,” the man replied. “My name is Alexander Kirk. Although, when you were a child, my name was Constantin Rostov. And your name is Masha Rostova.”

“I don’t understand,” Liz breathed.

“What do you remember?”

“I remember a fire,” she thought quietly. “I remember that there were people there – I don’t know who they are. But you,” she shook her head and corrected herself, “my father, he was lying on the ground…and then someone was pulling my hand, taking me away…” Flashes of flames and burning toys and loud voices came flooding into her mind. She never could remember exactly what happened. But whenever she would get overly stressed, she would dream about it. Sometimes even the smell of smoke would bring back flashes.

“Most of that is true,” he nodded briefly. “By all accounts, Constantin did die in that fire, but out of the ashes rose Alexander Kirk.”

He motioned towards the darkness and a figure appeared to remove her restraints. She rubbed at her wrists trying to wipe away the ache that she felt.

“If you’re my father,” she asked, “then why restrain me?”

He leaned back in his chair, crossed one leg over the other, and tilted his chin upwards. “For your safety.”

She scoffed at him and rolled her eyes in disgust. “Some father,” she mumbled.

He stood suddenly causing her to jump again. “Follow me, Masha,” he beckoned as he walked back from where he came.

“My name is Liz!” She called after him and reluctantly followed. A moment later, she stepped out into bright sunlight. She immediately shielded her eyes with her hands and squinted, struggling to adjust to the abrupt change of lighting. When she could see again, she found herself standing on the deck of a ship surrounded by ocean.

“I own property in Cuba,” Alexander said from a few feet ahead of her. “We’ll be there in a few days.”

Liz followed him to the top deck and into a sitting lounge. “Cuba? I don’t understand! If you’re my father why not call, visit me at work, knock on my door, for God’s sake! You didn’t have to kidnap me!”

“I had to,” he replied calmly, taking a seat in a comfortable looking white chair. “It was the only way I could see you and avoid Reddington. Did you get my envelope?”

“Your wha-” she started before it dawned on her, “You’re the one who sent me all that stuff about Kenneth - I mean Raymond?”

“Yes. He’s a dangerous man, Masha. I had to get you away from him.”

“I already was away from him! He left because I told him to when I read all about him,” she yelled in exasperation, throwing her arms out to the side. She was pacing around the room. Then she turned to him suddenly, “and stop calling me Masha! My name is Liz.”

“I’m sorry. Liz,” he tried with a smile. “Reddington is a very powerful man. He had people following you. It took weeks to put together a plan that would ensure your safety.”

“I don’t need you to protect me. I don’t even know you! And kidnapping is not a good first impression.”

“I did not kidnap you,” he said sternly. His voice caused her to stop dead in her tracks. He scared her, he thought. But he wasn’t too worried about that now. They would have plenty of time to get to know each other and build trust.

“Look, I don’t know you,” she tried to explain calmly. She took the seat next to him and turned to face him. “I don’t really care if you’re my father or not. Sam, my adoptive father, he raised me, and he will always be my dad.” She took a deep breath, “I…appreciate…the lengths that you went to, to…secure…my safety,” she spoke in a low calming voice not wanting to anger him, “but, please, I want to go home.”

“I can’t let you do that,” he replied with a sad smile. “Unfortunately, Liz, you’re not safe when you’re alone. It’s taken me this long to find you, and I am not letting you go so easily.” When he finished, he stood from his chair and left Liz alone.

She was angry. Afraid. Alone. Confused. But mostly, she was tired. She curled up into the chair and wrapped her arms around her knees. Thoughts of the fire, this man, Sam, and Raymond were rolling around in her head and it was all becoming too much. She squeezed her eyes tight and felt the hot, wet tears streaking down her cheeks. She drifted off slowly into a fitful unrest.

* * *

Raymond sat in the chair in the corner of the room. From his vantage point, he could see out of the window looking over the street. It wasn’t much of a view, but it was what she saw every day and somehow, that was enough. He sat back in the chair, too tired to cross his legs, and a glass of scotch hung from his left hand over the edge of the armrest. He let out a deep sigh, the only noise in the room. The sound caused Hudson to perk up from his place across. The dog hopped off the couch and jumped onto Raymond’s lap, settling his scruffy head near the man’s chin.

Raymond huffed and looked unamused at the dog, “Are you always like this?”

Hudson responded with a small sigh and droopy eyes.

“Yes,” Raymond whispered, “I miss her too.”

It had been six days since Liz’s disappearance. Raymond took the liberty of moving into her home to take care of Hudson – that was his excuse anyway. Everyone knew the truth; he missed her terribly and the only thing that calmed him was being in her home. He was respectful, of course, no snooping, except to find a scotch glass. He slept on the couch – if he slept at all. And he wasn’t one for making messes.

Baz, Dembe, and Mr. Kaplan had been working round the clock to find Liz. They already had an idea of her abductor. After examining the documents that were sent to Liz, Raymond’s team found that they could only come from one powerful source – somewhere within the FBI. Raymond had many contacts within the US Government and was currently waiting for a phone call from one such asset, Harold Cooper. They had known each other briefly back when Raymond still worked naval intelligence. Harold was one of the few honest people Raymond knew within the government; everyone else generally had a selfish agenda.

He began scratching the dog’s ears when his phone rang out in the quiet home. He set his scotch glass down on the table and shooed the dog away. “Yes?” He answered, a bit gruffly, into the phone.

“There’s a company that our government often uses to outsource black-ops missions; they’re mercenaries for hire,” Harold said, keeping his voice low. “The company is run by a woman named –”

“Scottie Hargrave,” Raymond interrupted.

“Yes…you know her?”

“We’ve met. What about her and her company?”

“Whoever it was that took Elizabeth Scott, hired Hargrave’s company to do their dirty work.”

“Thank you, Harold. Remember me to Charlene.”

“Of course,” Harold said before he heard the click of the phone closing on the other end.

Raymond stayed in the chair for a moment longer gathering his thoughts before he moved into the kitchen and dialed his phone again. “Dembe,” he said while pouring a cup of dog food into Hudson’s bowl. “I have a new lead. We need to make a meeting with Scottie Hargrave, now.”

* * *

The cool ocean breeze swayed around Elizabeth. She kept most of her body on the towel but opted to dig her feet into the warm sand as she gazed out on the water. The boat they arrived in was docked on a secluded beach somewhere in Cuba. They’d been here for almost four days and even though there were people – well, guards, really – all over the property, she felt profoundly alone. The man named Alexander continued to call her Masha no matter how angry she got at him or how many times she would correct him. He only ever tried using the name Liz when he needed her to pay attention. He asked her to have dinner with him every night, but she always refused. She would take her meals in her room, which by the way had a lock…on the outside, or she would take them on the small porch at the breakfast table. She hardly spoke a word except to attempt to reason with the man to let her go. He never listened.

She felt like a prisoner. No, she thought to herself, I definitely am a prisoner.

The only time she felt free was during moments like this: feet dug deep in the sand, the sun shining warmly down on her, the soft sound of waves crashing over one another, the seagulls calling to each other. Sometimes she fantasized about sending a message in a bottle and, like a fairy tale, her Prince Charming would swoop in and rescue her. Only…she didn’t quite have a Prince Charming. She had a…Raymond Reddington. A criminal. A fugitive. Her best friend… She missed him terribly. Since the day she threw the envelope at his chest and he walked swiftly away from her, she had yearned for his return. But he never came. And why should she expect him to? She all but told him she never wanted to see him again. True to his word, he stayed away.

And now she was trapped. This man…her so-called father…terrified her more than the criminal ever did. In some ways, her fear of Alexander rivaled her fear of Tom. She couldn’t dwell on fear though, she thought as she shook her head. If she was going to survive, if she even wanted to, then she was going to need to stay strong and never lose hope. Because who knows, maybe someone had been paying attention and saw her get taken. Someone had to be looking for her. Didn’t they?

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the ocean air. It was crisp yet warm and just a little salty. She smiled to herself as a memory of another beach came into her mind. She was in a similar position then, feet in the sand while watching the water. The only difference between then and now was the man that had sat behind her. His knees on either side of her hips as she relaxed into him laying her back on his chest. They were reading a book together, ‘Their Eyes Were Watching God’ by Zora Neale Hurston. He’d thought reading it together would be a good way for her to heal her mind while also allowing him to help in doing so. She thought it was so sweet, and she ended up loving the book. God, she missed him so much. As the memory passed, the feel of his body behind hers disappeared and she went back to feeling alone.

Her body tensed slightly as she heard the approach of someone behind her. The gentle sound that the sand made contrasted with the heavy weight that bore down on her. And then there he was. Alexander. Standing above her, dressed for business rather than the ocean. His Italian leather shoes might get ruined in the hot sand – not that she cared really.

“Hello, Masha,” he tried quietly. The small smile he attempted faded fast at the sound of her snarl. “How do you feel today?”

She kept her eyes on the water, not wanting to give him any excuse to think that she was interested in his company. “I feel great,” she snapped sarcastically. “You’d know what I’d really love? To go home.”

“You are home, darling. Will you eat with me tonight?”

“No.”

He let out a sigh and then took a deep breath, “I will only put up with this behavior of yours for so long. You will start acting like an adult or you won’t be making any more trips out here to watch the waves,” he finished in a cold, stern voice. He had his hands clenched in his pockets and his jaw was locked tight.

“What are you gonna do,” she scoffed and looked up at him, “ground me? Take away my phone privileges?” She stood up abruptly and snatched her towel from the sand. “You’re keeping me here as a prisoner. The only freedom I have is denying you my company, and if you want to take that away, then just kill me because honestly, I can’t do this anymore,” she rolled her eyes at him. “You can’t keep me here forever.”

She left him standing in the sand. She was fairly certain that he wouldn’t kill her, but locking her up in that bedroom…is exactly what she was expecting.

* * *

“Ma’am, uhm…there’s…there’s someone…”

“Spit it out, Michael. I don’t have all day,” she said strolling past her assistant fairly quickly.

“Someone is in your office,” Michael rushed as she opened the door.

She opened her door and found a man sitting in her desk chair. His back was to her as he looked out of the windows. She gave an annoyed look to her assistant and closed her office door behind her. “Raymond,” she acknowledged. The hint of annoyance in her tone did not go unnoticed by the man.

He turned in the chair as a deep chuckle erupted from his chest. “Scottie,” he said in his gravelly voice, “it’s been ages. How are you?”

“Why don’t we quit the chit chat, huh?” She demanded more than asked and gestured to the couch. He stayed in her chair, holding dominance in the corner office, while she took a seat on the couch crossing her legs under her white dress.

The jovial tone escaped him. His mask of a smile disappeared and the look of murder remained. “Where is she?”

“You and I both know that I don’t have the answer to that question. I can only tell you who hired me, and where I dropped her off. And I’ll tell whatever you want to know – for a price.”

He let out a loud bark of laughter and watched her flinch slightly at the sound. “I’m not going to give you money, Scottie. You’ll be lucky if I don’t kill you.”

“I thought you might say something like that. That’s why I’m going to give you a name for free and you can decide the rest.” After a moment he nodded for her to continue. “Alexander Kirk,” she said with a small smile. She watched, as his dark appearance grew impossibly darker.

“So we have a common enemy,” he started slowly. “Where is the drop location?”

“Not until you can guarantee my safety.”

He laughed again, more amused now than vicious, “Scottie, you have an international organization of mercenaries. You’ll be fine.”

“I meant from you.”

He nodded in understanding; she could always die another time. “The location.”

“The instructions were clear – she was taken off the street, transported by helicopter to Virginia Beach, and left on a docked yacht called the Kat,” she stood and took a file off the corner of her desk and handed it to him. “This contains all of the necessary information.”

He took the file and swiftly exited the office without another word. Alexander Kirk has been hiding almost longer than himself. This wasn’t going to be easy. As he walked towards the elevator, he took out his phone and dialed Mr. Kaplan.

“Hello, Dearie.”

“Kate, send a team to Virginia Beach. I’ll have the information forwarded to you and meet you there.”

“Scottie gave everything to you. Are my services required?”

“Not yet.”

After a brief moment of silence, Kate started again, “You’ll find her, Raymond. You’ll get her back.”

He took a deep breath as the elevator doors opened on the ground floor, “Thank you, Kate.” And then he ended the call. If he continued down that path, he would surely lose the little composure he had left.

Since that day he’d walked away from her, he’d been hanging onto his sanity by a very thin thread. And that thread was Baz and his team. Now, there was no thread for him to grasp. During the nights he didn’t sleep, he would drink himself into a drunken stupor, bitterly angry with himself for leaving her. And then she was truly gone. At first, he wanted to die because a life without her was most assuredly meaningless, but she wasn’t dead, just missing. And the hope he had now was oddly in the man who had taken her. Alexander Kirk wouldn’t kill his daughter, but he wasn’t above harming her to get his way. That thought made Red sick.

He slumped into the back of the black Mercedes. “Dembe, please inform Edward we will be going to Virginia Beach as soon as possible.” His voice was quiet, reserved…tired. Dembe nodded silently into the rear view mirror and pulled out into the New York City traffic.

Red kept his eyes on the window; focusing more on the glass itself than the things they drove by. He wouldn’t allow himself to admit the truth – he was scared. Elizabeth was stubborn when she wanted to be and being kidnapped would most certainly bring back memories from her encounter with Tom. Kirk would hurt her if he had to. He hoped to find her unharmed, but…Alexander Kirk could be ruthless. She probably got some of her stubbornness from him, the man who merely served as a sperm donor for Katerina - although, she loved him dearly. He was probably the only man she ever truly loved.

The story, as it goes, is rather long and boring. They met while Katerina was training to be a KGB operative. Alexander, Constantin at the time, was a superior; not hers directly, but he was a high-ranking officer. She fell in love with him, hopelessly in love, as she’d told Raymond. When she finished her training they were married, which was against orders for the both of them.

“Love conquers all,” Katerina would say. They had been married for almost three years when she found that she was pregnant with Masha. By that time it was late 1983, Raymond had just begun working in Russia with Katerina and a few other agents. The two of them became best friends. She even confided in him that her marriage was falling apart but that she still loved her husband.

“Constantin, he’s a good man. Sometimes he’s blinded by greed, but we have a child to care for now. I’ve never seen him so excited!” She had told him one night, a few months into her pregnancy. “He promised to be home more, to be with our child. And this time, I really believe him.”

Raymond hated to see her worried. He hated seeing her fight to keep the child alive. She almost didn’t keep the baby. She said, “Between my job, the dangers, and Consantin’s job…I can’t do it! I will never be a good mother. How could I ever care for this innocent life in the world we live in?” So Raymond vowed to help her protect the baby. He had contacts all over America. He told her about Sam Milhoan. They’d worked with him before, but he was getting out of the game while he still could and he would take Masha while Katerina found a way to escape with Constantin.

The plan could only work if they kept it a secret from both governments. They would have to escape late in the night. But Constantin had found a leak in their little lifeboat. He rushed home to find Katerina – he had a gun with him for their protection. He was scared. He wanted to leave right then, but the plans weren’t complete and Masha could be in more danger if they didn’t wait. So they argued. And Masha got the gun. And well…

Raymond took a deep breath and closed his eyes as they neared the airport.

She accidentally shot her father. There was no way that he could have survived – at least, not to Raymond’s knowledge. There was more to the story that even Raymond didn’t know. He heard from one of his contacts that their plan was blown and people were headed to the house to kill the whole family. He raced there, as fast as he could, and found the house in flames. Katerina was on the lawn choking from the smoke and hysterically crying. “She’s still in there, Raymond!” She yelled at him through choking and tears.

He didn’t hesitate. He ran into the house calling her name, but he heard no answer. He searched everywhere…and then he remembered her favorite hiding spot - the closet at the top of the stairs. He sprinted as fast as he could through the flames. He could feel the heat on his back but it didn’t matter now. Only Masha mattered. He vaguely noticed the blood stains on the floor in front of the closet and he prayed to God that the blood didn’t belong to her. He yanked open the door as hard as he could and almost wept with joy at the sight of the little princess and her favorite bunny rabbit. He pulled her up into his arms and tried to go back the way he came, but the flames were too high. Part of the ceiling fell on his back and he dropped to his knees hissing in pain. But the sound of her scream had his heart beating faster, sending adrenaline through his system once again. The fire had touched her perfect, innocent skin. He ran down the hallway and dove through the second story window, landing in a mountainous pile of snow with her cradled safely against his chest.

He took a deep breath and pushed through the pain to stand on his feet. He carried the girl to the front of the house, to her mother and the paramedics. “Take her to Sam!” He whispered harshly through the pain. “Take her now!” And that was the last he saw of the girl before the coffee shop. He kept in touch with Sam, of course, and made sure she was provided for.

It took Katerina some months before she was able to tell Raymond about the shooting. She stayed with him while he recovered from his wounds. Once he knew, he told Sam that she needed the treatment – for her own good. Her memory was wiped of the evil that touched her life. They tried to protect her. How could they have known Constantin was pulled out of the fire? Saved by the very men who wanted him dead. Forced to become a monster, a ruthless man.

The resemblance to Raymond was uncanny. No, he thought to himself, I would never take Elizabeth against her will – no matter what. Even if he found her with Alexander and she decided that she wanted to stay with her father, he wouldn’t stop her. He would be heartbroken, but he wouldn’t stop her. She was safe as long as it was her decision.

Raymond thought again to Katerina, so desperately heartbroken – the man she loved, killed by the child she adored. And that child would forever be in danger unless she was free from her parents. “Hide her, Raymond,” Katerina had said. “Keep her safe.” That was the last he saw of her, his best friend. When he was healed, he followed a trail to Cape May, found her clothes by the water, and heard the tale of the woman who walked away.

“Raymond,” Dembe called from the front seat. “We are here.”

* * *

The trip to Virginia Beach was short and yielded almost no results. The lead they had was shaky at best. If they weren’t careful, they would find themselves on a wild goose chase. An attendant at the docks confirmed that a yacht named Kat was docked here about a week ago. They left in a hurry and had no destination he was aware of. Raymond compensated him well for his help.

“Hey, mister,” the young man said as he pocketed roughly $1500, “I might know someone who could help you. He knows a shit ton o’ people down here – has lots of connections, ya know?” His thick southern drawl didn’t quite match the preppy neighborhood, but as a blue-collar worker – it made sense.

“I’m listening,” Raymond said patiently waiting for some elaboration.

“Calls himself the ‘Curator,’ thinks he’s fancy and all that.” The boating attendant said with a laugh. “If you’re looking for something, he’s the guy that’ll find it for ya.”

“How would he help me here?”

The attendant smiled at Raymond, “That’s pretty much alls I can say, mister. You seem like a smart enough fella, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Then he walked away, disappearing into a boathouse.

“Well, that was helpful,” Red mumbled to himself. He walked back towards the car and found Kate and Dembe waiting for him. “Did you find anything else where they were docked?”

“Nothing that could tell us where they went,” Kate explained calmly.

He gave her a curt nod and turned to Dembe, “Call Patrick. See if he knows someone around here called the Curator. I’ve been told he could be of some help,” he said, throwing a thumb over his shoulder pointing back at the young man.

After a long two hours, and barely a thirty-minute nap, they received word from the Curator. The Kat left the dock about six and a half days ago headed south, destination – Cuba. He even had coordinates…for a price, which Red paid without hesitation.

Within hours, they arrived in Havana with a car waiting for them. Raymond wanted to go straight to the villa where Kirk was supposedly holding Elizabeth, but with Dembe driving and Kate urging him to rest in the back seat, he was forced to take leave for a few hours at their safe house. His thoughts continued to roll endlessly through his mind. He dozed on and off for an hour before, finally, his body gave out on him and collapsed into the blankets of his bed. He slept, undisturbed, for almost three hours.

Raymond woke with a start. His heart was racing and his body was covered in sweat; the only thought on his mind was Elizabeth. He took a cold shower, washing off the salty sweat, and dressed within ten minutes. As he walked into the main room, he placed his gun in the holster at his lower back.

“Let’s go,” he ordered on his way out the door. Dembe and Kate followed close behind with Baz and his team already waiting by the cars.

There wasn’t much of a plan. The blueprints to the villa were mapped and memorized on the flight down. From the moment they would arrive, the only plan was to kill all those in sight, save Elizabeth and Alexander.

* * *

Liz had dinner in her room that night. After her disagreement and mild tantrum on the beach, Kirk quite literally confined her to her room. Granted, it was a beautiful room - nothing close to that of a prison cell. But that’s exactly what it might as well be. She wasn’t a prisoner, but she wasn’t free to leave either. He fed her well enough. The room had an attached bathroom. However, just like the door, all the windows were locked. She couldn’t even get a bit of fresh air.

After taking a few bites of her meal, she pushed it to the farthest edge of her table and went into the bathroom to take a hot bath. The soothing water and aroma from the bath soap did little to quell the stress and anxiety that had settled deep in her chest. Feeling frustrated, alone, and utterly exhausted, she wrapped herself in one of the plush towels and curled up under the blankets of her bed.

Thoughts of loneliness, fear, and never seeing Raymond again, surrounded her. She tried desperately to hold in the sobs, but her efforts were meaningless as one racked through her body accompanied by tears dripping onto the fluffy pillow. She pulled the blankets tighter around her slender frame and cried herself to sleep.

Liz woke with a start. Her heart was pounding and she had no idea why. Until suddenly, loud cracking pop noises sounded all around the property. For a fleeting second, she imagined fireworks, but that noise couldn’t possibly be explosions in the sky. With every few pops, she heard an accompanying scream – pain. Guns, her mind thought, vividly remembering each guard carrying semi-automatic rifles. Something very bad was happening. The next thought to enter her mind would have made her laugh under different circumstances – people are shooting at each other and I’m naked.

She jumped from her bed, staying low to the ground, and found a suitable pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Then she crawled to all the windows, trying to get a glance of what was happening, but she saw nothing. As she was crawling towards her door, she heard heavy footsteps coming down the hall. She dove under the table, the closest thing she could find and reached up to her untouched plate of food to grab the knife.

“Masha,” he whispered urgently as he came through the door. “It’s not safe! We must go!”

She stayed hidden under the table. She wasn’t sure of the danger that lay outside her bedroom but surely if someone was attacking, they had to be here for her. And she prayed desperately that someone was Raymond Reddington.

“Please, Masha!” He searched frantically in the room, then paused, took a breath and started again more calmly, “Elizabeth. Please come out. I’m only trying to protect you.”

The sincerity in his voice spoke to something inside her. Whatever the threat, he believed her life to be in real danger. It must not be Raymond after all, she thought to herself and slowly lifted the tablecloth over her head.

As soon as he saw the movement, Alexander ran to her side and lifted her by her arm. “We must hurry,” he rushed, fiercely pulling her behind him and leading her down the hall. They ran together, Alexander holding a gun in front of them, leading her to safety.

As they rounded the corner to their escape, Liz almost smashed into Alexander’s back as he came to a sudden halt. Peering around his large form, she let out a gasp when she saw the man standing opposite them with a gun trained on her Alexander’s head.

“Raymond,” she whispered, and for a brief moment, relief filled her soul. He had come for her. But as quickly as the relief came, it vanished. Alexander pulled her to his chest, wrapped one arm around her neck, and pressed his gun to her temple. Fear shot through her like she never knew.

“Don’t take another step,” Alexander hissed as he pulled tighter on Liz’s neck. She squirmed and let out a strangled cry.

“Please!” She begged. “Please, you don’t want to hurt me!”

“No, I don’t. Which is why Raymond here is going to back off and let us walk out of here.”

“I’m not going with you!” Liz said defiantly, keeping her gaze trained on Raymond.

“Put the gun down, Constantin,” Raymond said calmly, desperately fighting the urge to put a bullet in his brain now. If he didn’t wait for Lizzie to be out of range, Kirk’s gun could go off accidentally. He needed to keep calm, if only for her.

“She’s coming with me,” Alexander growled.

“Let her make that decision.” He turned his eyes to his sweet Lizzie and gave her a sad smile. “Lizzie, sweetheart, please, for your own safety, go with him.”

She shook her head as vehemently as she could with Alexander’s arm still around her throat. Raymond gave her a pleading look, but her eyes said it all. He nodded almost imperceptibly at the look she gave him – he was ready, on her go. She took the deepest breath she could bare, raised her knee as high as she could, and slammed her heel into Kirk’s groin while simultaneously elbowing his ribs. Alexander doubled over in pain and Liz sprang free from his hold. She ran behind Raymond who pushed her into Dembe’s arms. And then everything was happening so quickly. Alexander raised his gun at Raymond and fired three times; Raymond fired off three rounds at the same time.

Alexander groaned once in pain before he fell to the ground in a pool of his own blood. Raymond stood up straight, with no wounds, and looked sadly at the man. He felt a tinge of pain for Katerina – the fate that became of the man she loved.

“Raymond,” Dembe’s strained voice pulled him back to the present. He spun around and fell to his knees at the sight before him. Lizzie lay on her back, blood pouring from a hole in her abdomen, Dembe’s heavy hands pressing into the wound with his jacket.

For a moment he thought he might be sick. But he pushed his nausea down and crawled quickly to her side. “Lizzie,” he whispered desperately in his gravelly voice. “Lizzie, please don’t leave me.”

Her eyes fluttered opened and found his, tears streaked down her pale cheeks. She was losing too much blood.

Kate came quickly to the scene, “Raymond, we need to go. We need to get her to the safe house now. I have a team on the way.” She had called in an emergency medical team as soon as the first shots were fired, knowing that someone would need immediate assistance.

They moved Liz as quickly and as steadily as they could into the back of the black Mercedes. Raymond was poised over her, keeping steady pressure on her wound. How could he have been so reckless? He should have been faster! He should have kept her safe! He cursed silently to himself, berating his actions, blaming himself for her pain.

Minutes seemed more like hours as they made their way to the safe house. He couldn’t think other than to keep his hands on her. Their team of paramedics pulled her from the car as soon as they arrived, put her on a gurney, and rolled her into the garage, which had become a makeshift ER. Raymond stayed just outside the plastic room and was unable to keep his eyes off his hands covered, quite literally, in her blood. If Kirk weren’t already dead, he’d have left right then to go kill him. There was no vengeance or retribution to be had. The damage was done. The only one left to blame was himself.

* * *

She had been in surgery for almost three and a half hours now. At some point after their arrival, Dembe helped him clean the blood off his body and change into clean clothes.

“She won’t want to wake and see you covered in blood,” the younger man had reasoned. “She is in good hands. Kate is here. You can leave for a bit,” he’d escorted Raymond to the main house and helped him into the bathroom. He even started taking off Raymond’s shirt before the older man finally took back control.

“Thank you,” he’d said, quietly dismissing his trusted friend.

He stood under the hot spray, his hands braced against the tile, and his head hung low. The water pounded over his neck and shoulders; the steam fogged up the whole room. Tears burned his eyes and he punched the wall hard, in anger and in punishment. If she died, he wouldn’t be able to live on. He wouldn’t have the strength. She was his life, his second chance, and his redemption. She was Polaris. Home. A direction in which he could faithfully follow. He would have nothing…be nothing, without her.

He opened his eyes and found his hands still stained with her blood. He scrubbed them clean, and then continued to scrub his entire body, desperately looking to rid himself of this horrid deed. When the water turned cold, he finally left the shower and dressed as quickly as possible.

Standing back in the garage, peering through the plastic lining, his skin was still damp from his shower, but he wouldn’t leave her side again until she woke.

After five and a half hours, the surgeon finally came out. He let out a long breath as he approached Raymond, Dembe, Kate, and Baz. “She’ll be fine. The bullet passed through her abdomen without hitting anything severe. We patched up a portion of her intestines; she’ll need to keep a liquid-only diet for the next few weeks. Her stitches should heal quickly; barring any infection, they should be able to come out next week. She’s going to be asleep for another hour or so before you can talk to her,” he said this while looking directly at Raymond. Then he turned to Mr. Kaplan, “I’ll have her medication routine sent to you along with the diet and exercise requirements for her recovery.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Kate said as she walked to another part of the room with him.

Raymond slowly stepped into the plastic room. The sight of her on all these ventilators, looking so much weaker than her true self, it almost brought him to his knees. “I want her brought upstairs as soon as possible,” he said to Dembe and Baz. They both nodded and went in search of the doctor.

He stepped up to the gurney and took her small hand in his, “Oh, Lizzie, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” he said as he tenderly kissed the palm of her hand. Her skin was still pale, but he noticed, with some comfort, that color was slowly returning to her cheeks. He pulled a blanket around her, gently tucking her in as some of the medical staff and his security team came in.

“Raymond,” Dembe said with his hand placed gently but firmly on the older man’s shoulder, “we’re ready to move her now.”

He nodded almost imperceptibly and stepped away to allow his team to work. It took them longer than he expected, but eventually, his Lizzie was safe in the comfort of a plush bed. Under normal circumstances, the colors of the room would accentuate her overall beauty. The autumn colors went perfectly with her dark hair, blue eyes, and creamy skin. But right now, the large bed and slightly ostentatious furniture just accentuated her small, broken appearance. He silently cursed himself for always attempting to impress her with over-the-top things; she was, after all, a simple girl with beautifully simple pleasures.

He angled one of the chairs towards her bed so he had a perfect view of her sleeping form, and nearly collapsed into it, finally letting go of the little energy he had left. He drifted in and out of sleep, struggling to watch over her for almost two hours. Longer than the doctor said, he thought to himself. When he almost began to worry, he heard a small sigh escape her lips.

“Raymond?” She whispered tiredly.

He almost wept with joy and relief. Jumping from the chair he gently took her hand in his, “I’m here, Lizzie. I’m here, sweetheart.”

The pain in her face seemed to dissipate at his words, and despite her injured body, she seemed relaxed. She squinted at him and smiled a genuine broad smile. “I’ve missed you,” she whispered again.

He felt tears prick the corners of his eyes and he had to blink a few times so that they wouldn’t fall. He smiled and leaned in to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I’ve missed you too.”

* * *

Liz spent the next thirty hours drifting in and out of sleep, regaining her strength. In all that time, Raymond never left her side. He slept in the armchair, used her bathroom if necessary, and barely ate any food.

As he watched her, he struggled to keep his eyes open until he saw hers beginning to flutter. He smiled gently at her as she woke. “Hello, Lizzie,” he chimed quietly, the smile on his face broadening at her upturned lips. “How are you feeling?”

She chuckled silently and gently, “I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. I’m exhausted, but actually, I’m kind of hungry.”

“I’m afraid your diet for the next few weeks won’t be that exciting – liquids only,” he chuckled a bit at the grimace on her face. “I promise it won’t be that bad. You won’t be able to eat much anyway. Are you in any pain?”

“A little,” she winced while trying to sit up. He moved to her side immediately to help prop her up on some pillows. “Thank you.”

He smiled, a bit sheepishly she noticed and ducked his head away. “Don’t thank me, sweetheart. You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me.”

She grabbed his hand before he could pull away and forced him to look her in the eye, “You’re right. If it weren’t for you, I’d still be locked away as a prisoner in a house with a man who is supposed to be my father. I’d rather be here in pain with you to help me than be with him.”

He had no words to say. He never expected her to be thankful, to seemingly forgive or maybe forget all that she had learned. She truly was the greatest thing in his life. His heart swelled with emotion and more tears threatened to fall. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and excused himself. “I’ll just get you something to eat,” he said gruffly, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

They didn’t talk about what happened, with the envelope or with Kirk. Not yet. Raymond wanted her to heal first. Lizzie wanted to get to know him again. They spent every day together; eventually, she was strong enough to walk – with his help – to the sitting room with a beautiful ocean view. He promised, when she got stronger, he’d take her outside. He’d hired nurses to care for her so that he wouldn’t invade her privacy too much. She still needed help using the bathroom, bathing, and getting dressed.

After two weeks, she was strong enough to start physical therapy, and her stitches were removed. Raymond used this opportunity to move her back to the States – they’d already stayed too long in Cuba, but with Kirk dead, there wasn’t a need to hide. He simply hated being in a place where he had almost lost her. She talked him into staying at her apartment.

“I have a guest bedroom!” She’d reasoned. “And besides, I feel safer when you’re here. I know it’s not really up to your standards or anything, but –”

“Alright,” he finally agreed with a warm smile.

The stairs caused a bit of a problem at first, but the nurses decided to carefully implement them into her therapy regimen. Lizzie was just happy to have Hudson back. He was so excited to see her walk back through the front door that he had almost knocked her over, which earned him a scolding voice from Raymond. Lizzie had laughed as she watched the pup respond to him so well, immediately backing off and sitting on the floor like a good boy.

The best thing for Liz, after being back home and with Hudson, was now she could finally eat real food. Slowly at first and only healthy foods, but if Raymond was cooking (which he was) she didn’t care at all.

One night, they sat at her table eating quietly. It had been over three weeks and still, she hadn’t said anything about Kirk, or Raymond’s true identity. He was beginning to worry that she would try and shut it out entirely. But then she cleared her throat and put her fork down.

“He said he was my father,” she stated quietly, keeping her eyes trained on her plate of half-eaten food. “He talked about you…like he knew you. I mean, other than what was in that file. He knew you personally.”

“Yes,” he gave as his only response.

She looked up at him then, waiting for more, but when he made no effort, she continued slowly, “My father is and always will be Sam. But that doesn’t change the fact that I still don’t know anything about my life before Sam adopted me.” She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye, “How did you know him? Alexander, I mean.”

“Are you sure that you want to know?” He asked quietly. At her nod, he began to slowly recount the story. “I met Constantin through your mother, Katerina.” He told her all about their marriage, her fears about being a mother, the plan to have them escape as a family, and then the fire. He debated with himself to leave out the part where she killed her father, but knowing now that Constantin didn’t die back then, he decided it would be all right. “It was excruciating to see your mother in so much pain. I wish we had known that he survived. But then it seems to have worked better for you. They loved you so much.”

“She died…she killed herself…because…because of me? Because she thought that I killed my father?” Lizzie had been struggling to keep the tears at bay, but with this heartbreaking realization, she couldn’t control the sob that escaped her lips.

“No! Lizzie, no,” he said quickly and came around to her side and wrapped his arms around her. “Katerina was distraught. She had lost her husband – not to you, but to the people who were coming after them both. And then she had to give you up as well because that was the only way she could keep you safe. Maybe she justified killing herself by thinking that if she were gone, you would never be in danger again. But her death is not your fault. Don’t ever think that, okay, sweetheart? Never think that.” He finished with a gentle whisper and laid a kiss on her temple.

“Why did he hate you so much?” She whispered after calming down a bit. “Why did he want to keep me away from you?”

“Constantin was always a bit jealous of my relationship with your mother. He thought…he thought we were having an affair. He thought that you…” he paused, shook his head and moved back to his seat across from her.

“He thought I was yours?” She guessed.

He nodded his head slowly. “I loved Katerina, but not romantically. She had become my best friend. I was stationed in Russia for so long…my wife, she didn’t handle it well, and Katerina was the friend that I needed to get through it. And I was the friend she needed to help her get through her pregnancy with you,” he said with a small smile. “Constantin was always traveling, he hardly had the time to be there for his wife, but underneath all their many problems, they loved each other dearly and no one could have gotten in the way of that. After Constantin resurfaced as Alexander Kirk, I heard that he was looking for me. He blamed me for Katerina’s death, and he believed you to have died in the fire. I suppose he blamed me for that as well, so when he somehow discovered your true identity…he felt the need to take you away. He was a different man when you were a child. Constantin was the loving father, but Alexander Kirk was an obsessive, ruthless man who would do anything to get his life back, to seek vengeance for the deaths of his wife and daughter,” he paused and took a deep breath. “Something I can understand completely,” he finished in a whisper.

“You were married. The file…it mentioned you had a family that you abandoned? But you didn’t abandon them, did you?”

He shook his head solemnly and couldn’t bring himself to look up at her face. “Much like Constantin lost his family, I lost mine. After I tried to help Katerina, they came after me. I came home from Russia with terrible injuries -”

“Your scars?”

He nodded his head. “I was later than I should have been because I needed time to recover.” Before he knew it, he was sharing the story of how his family died, that god-awful Christmas Eve almost twenty years ago. “ _I ran out of gas. I was so excited to get home I didn’t even bother to look. My head was just…I ran out of gas. It was Christmas Eve. I pulled off to the side of the road. It seemed like it had been snowing for days. No traffic. No cars to come help. Just me and a car full of gifts. I must have walked four or five miles, maybe. It was so still. Just cold and white. The whole time, all I could think about was them in our house. The warm light in the windows. The smoke from the chimney. The sound of my daughter at the piano. The smell of the tree, and the fire, oyster stew on the stove. I was so upset to think that I’d ruined Christmas for them, being late, leaving the gifts in the car. But the closer I got, the more I realized how funny the whole thing was. How much they’d love the story, Daddy running out of gas. How every Christmas they’d get such joy from telling that story at my expense. And then finally…when I got there, I walked…_ ” his voice caught in his throat and he had to stop to swallow the lump. “ _I walked through the door. And there was just blood. All I saw was blood. All there was, was blood._ ” He struggled to not let the tears fall. He squeezed his eyes closed, creasing his brow. She had tears in her own eyes, watching him relive this awful moment in his life. “ _I can…I can still smell the nape of her neck. Feel her little…fingers on my cheek. Her whisper in my ear_ ,” he finished with his own whisper.

He could no longer stave off the tears that stung his eyes. His shoulders shook with a sob, and suddenly Lizzie was the one now comforting him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he pulled her into his lap weeping and holding onto her for dear life. When he finally relaxed, he realized how tight he was holding her and pulled back suddenly, looking at her, making sure she wasn’t in any pain. What he saw in her eyes was nothing close to physical, but he saw the heartbreak in his soul reflected in her beautiful blue eyes.

“Oh Lizzie,” he whispered desperately and pressed his forehead to hers. “Please don’t ever let me go. I was a fool to walk away from you!”

She shook her head vehemently and pressed a kiss to his temple, and then another to his cheek, and finally one against his lips. It was soft and chaste but full of the love she felt for this man. “Thank you for saving me, when I was a child and now. I wish you had told me the truth sooner, but none of it matters now.” She held his face in her hands, looked into his emerald green eyes, and stated so boldly, “Raymond Reddington, I love you…with all my heart and every fiber of my being.”

The brightest of smiles graced his face, creasing the corners of his eyes. “Oh sweetheart, I love you too,” he breathed and kissed her once again. “Marry me, Lizzie,” he asked, looking desperately into her eyes.

She bubbled with laughter and joy and more tears fell down her face, “Yes!” She kissed him again and this time their kiss grew heated and neither one of them tried to stop it.

He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her upstairs to her bed, leaving their dinner completely forgotten on the table. He made love to her slowly and gently, giving her everything she deserved and everything he had to offer. He worshiped her body, leaving no inch of skin untouched. He was careful and mindful of her healing injuries, although she was by no means in pain. He made her laugh and she brought him the greatest joy. They climaxed together sharing words of love and lifelong devotion. And they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms, putting the past behind them and striving for a better, happier future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, for the kudos, and all your comments! I love reading them!! Big thanks to Jammequin for beta reading for me and helping me smooth out the story! 
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed!


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